#1
A Poem by me.... this does not have any personal experience in it, i do not cut myself



Cutting
By
Darkrikku





Sitting here,
Fighting my horrible obsession,
As i try to cure,
My climbing depression,
Wishing i would die,
And just fade away,
I cut my wrists to keep the sadness at bay,
As the blood runs down,
My tattered arm,
I start to wonder,
What harm i have done,
To all of my family,
To all of my friends,
But then i get depressed,
And start cutting again,
I don't know why,
And i probably never will,
Why i was depressed,
Or how i got my fill
But one things for certain,
There is nothing to gain,
From cutting yourself,
Over and over again,
So ill just try to stop,
But i know it'll be in vain,
Because when i get depressed,
Ill just start cutting again....
#2
My friend.
That was beautiful.
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#3
although it's not really a theme i enjoy reading about, i must say this poem was very well writting.
good emotion, too.
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#4
For some reason, I heard this in Mike Shinoda's voice, really well written.
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
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#5
Quote by ChemicalFire
For some reason, I heard this in Mike Shinoda's voice, really well written.

in all honesty, ive only heard his name once before, and ive never heard his voice, and i was just depressed, and so i actually started typing it in a reply box here on ug, and well i got it finished, and just put it up here, this in my opinion, is one of my worst, but i appriciate the crits, let me know if i owe you one
#6
Quote by darkrikku
in all honesty, ive only heard his name once before, and ive never heard his voice


He's one of the singers from Linkin Park, it just seems like something they would write a song about.
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
You can be the deputy llamma of the recordings forum!
#7
Quote by ChemicalFire
He's one of the singers from Linkin Park, it just seems like something they would write a song about.

ah ok, well i dont listen to linkin park much, there not my style... im more an acoustic person...
but i do appriciate the crits
#8
Quote by darkrikku
ah ok, well i dont listen to linkin park much, there not my style... im more an acoustic person...
but i do appriciate the crits

Oh. He's the one who does all the rapping. Now that it's been mentioned, I can see him doing that....
Anyways, it's pretty good. I get tired of poems about cutting, but that's just cuz of someone I know.... overall, well written.
#9
Hated it.

EDIT: You're just another ignorant fool who believes they understand.

EDITEDIT: I don't enjoy how you wrote out the protagonist as "I", and especially how all it was, was "I feel.." "I do..." "I think...", which makes him/her seem arrogant, totally on the contrary to a self-harmer, typically with extremely low levels of self-esteem.

EDITEDITEDIT: The form isn't very well thought out either, the perfect rhythm and the constant, almost funny rhymes are totally in contrast with the emotions of the protagonist.
Last edited by ginjaninja at Dec 27, 2008,
#10
No.

This says absolutely nothing to me. I would prefer to stare at a blank paper, because then at least my imagination would fly into untouched territories. This is just terrible and way below average. The thing that bugs me the most is that you reveal all the information, there is no mystery or magic going on. You're just saying that the protagonist of your short story cuts himself/herself without knowledge of the real reason behind the masochistic behaviour. I know the reason behind the cutting; Self-pity. No-one likes self-pity. This gets in the way for a deeper experience. You put out all the information about this character and his/her condition without any mystery. It's just text on a white background. Sometimes the reader needs to be able read between the lines.

PS. I don't want myself to look like an asshole, I'm just saying the truth.
"Don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk." -Tom Waits
#11
^ That too.

(I think that the "emo" children here love this, the adults have avoided this, and the actual cutters hated it.)
#12
i kind of agree with snailking... its too obvious. theres not enough thinking for the reader, but maybe thats just me? and its a bit repititive. the language is pretty simple
#14
it just doesn't flow well if you ask me... and there are a lot of lines that are unnecessary, which makes the whole poem seem a bit forced. you should try to give every word a meaning, that's what makes a good poem (not that i'd manage to do so...) I don't like it, but apparently you reach people- whatever starts a controversy can't be too bad all in all.
#15
Quote by ChemicalFire
He's one of the singers from Linkin Park, it just seems like something they would write a song about.


Perhaps maybe on their next album. I felt the Minutes to Midnight was a very personal album for linkin Park. Minutes to Midnight was not as upbeat and hard as previous albums like Hybrid Theory and Meteora. This is mainly my opinion.
#17
well written. a person with low self esteem would have nothing to hide, because nothing would be worth hiding, why hide the details. the fact that the writer uses the first person point of view could be because the protagonist has no one else to write about. cutting is something someone does alone.

i enjoyed this piece
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#18
I think it would have been better if you didn't just say "i cut my wrists"
maybe if you symbolized it with imagery it would have been better. As for such a dark poem it was very upbeat and happy xD.

I liked the ryhme and the words you used but you needed to be a little more original.

7.5/10