#1
Patterns and Theories

Well it's back to breathing, conventionally
I tried every imaginable way to release breath from my body
Trying to prove we all get so caught up in this routine
And my lungs have got to be more than mere machines

You've been sleeping on pillows made out of concrete
Ripped off your bandages somewhat prematurely
I've got my ideas how you got those skinned knees
But trite preconceptions are nothing but theories
And theories are nothing without a good story
But what good is a story without an ending?

Oh, please come home

Well it's back to knowing, everything
I tried so hard to forget these patterns of feeling
To forge love like a blank check endorsed by a stranger
He doesn't exist so I can't see the danger

And you can't see the difference...

In love, or in lying
When no one's the wiser
In sickness or heath
Cause we're all meant to die here

In trying or failing
When no one's a winner
Alone or together
We fall asleep sinners

Now you've got a choice
All these distractions are just background noise
But you've got to choose
They're closing in and we've so much to lose

And you can't see the purpose...

In running and hiding
Where no one can find you
In breathing and lying
With no one beside you

And besides whats a story without the ending
Just a man and his pen, well I'm done pretending

So please come home
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Last edited by ColdFrontAttack at Dec 29, 2008,
#2
I didnt really get this... Looks like lyrics but what has it to do with patterns and theories?
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Yes! ****ing Yes! YOU LEGEND!!!
#3
Well it's back to breathing, conventionally
I tried every imaginable way to release breath from my body

didn't like the use of breath in the second line. I think a substitute word would fit better

didn't like the word mere. I think it would work without it but maybe it flows better for you with it

other than that this was a really nice read. saddening and very pretty. I enjoyed it very much. Sorry I have so little insight to offer all the time haha
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#4
Patterns and Theories
kk.

Well it's back to breathing, conventionally
I tried every imaginable way to release breath from my body
Trying to prove we all get so caught up in this routine
And my lungs have got to be more than mere machines
I agree with everything Jimi said about this stanza above. The second line is weak, especially. Though I don't think "mere" is so terrible here. Definitely an interesting opener though.

You've been sleeping on pillows made of out concrete
"Out of"?
Ripped off your bandages somewhat prematurely
I've got my ideas how you got those skinned knees
But trite preconceptions are nothing but theories
And theories are nothing without a good story
But what good is a story without an ending?
Cool denouement here. I like this.

Oh, please come home

Well it's back to knowing, everything
I tried so hard to forget these patterns of feeling
To forge love like a blank check endorsed by a stranger
He doesn't exist so I can't see the danger

And you can't see the difference...

In love, or in lying
When no one's the wiser
In sickness or heath
Cause we're all meant to die here
The flow feels off here to me. Flows much better in the stanza below this than here.

In trying or failing
When no one's a winner
Alone or together
We fall asleep sinners

Now you've got a choice
All these distractions are just background noise
But you've got to choose
They're closing in and we've so much to lose

And you can't see the purpose...

In running and hiding
Where no one can find you
In breathing and lying
With no one beside you

And besides whats a story without the ending
Just a man and his pen, well I'm done pretending

So please come home
I enjoyed this a lot. I tried to give ya a full critique but there wasn't much I wanted to add to most of this. Good job. Definitely an enjoyable read. Glad to see you're still hanging around.
#5
truly amazing friend. The name got my attention.
With every passing sentence it kept my attention
profound and well imagery.

Crit back please
my song's "crystallize"
Tell me, can you heal what Father's done?
Or cut this rope and let us run?
Just when all seems fine and I'm pain free
You jab another pin, jab another pin in me

- Fixxxer
#7
hey thanks a lot guys especially Corey for the full-crit, I will hit you all back soon, promise
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