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#1
Yesterday, I went to an indoor ski arena with my kid sister where I saw all the ski bunnies down the bottom. I tried to pick one of them up by bragging about my skiing abilities and they said they wanted to see me in action, so I went to the very top of the run. One small catch though.

I've never skied in my life.

But ignoring all common sense as you do in the pursuit of vagina, I managed to start heading down the hill. Holy sh*t this feels awesome...I wanna keep doing this...holy sh*t...HOLY SH*T!!!

I didn't know how to stop.

Long story short, I crashed into the wall at the bottom and for my trouble, broke my wanking hand and I got three new scars for my trouble.

Just thought I'd share my story of fail with the Pit, since if I tell my real mates how I did it they'd just LOL. You guys will too, but the difference is that you're all virgins anyway.

Also, if anyone has similar stories, post them here.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#2
Wow...loser..
Her friends are gazing on her,
And on her gaudy bier,
And weep!-oh! to dishonor
Dead beauty with a tear!
They loved her for her wealth-
And they hated her for her pride-
But she grew in feeble health,
And they love her-that she died.
#6
Let me be the first to say MASSIVE FAIL.
Quote by Jackintehbox
This man knows his beverages.
Quote by 7daycrisis
^somebody get this man 30 million dollars.
Quote by Jack Off Jill
I think I love you. I consider you a prominent UGer.
Quote by Stormx
90.200.36.223 is my IP. Try me.
#8
:faceslap:

Edit
Member 15 of the IRON MAIDEN ARE GODS club. PM Revelations to join.

Founder of the I love nickelodeon club. PM me to join.
#9



Is your name Mike? Do you want to be everyone's friend? Do you look similar to lots of other people? If so click here

Quote by LesPaulLeader08


Fucking win S&R!
#10
at the last part too true

but yeah i've never done something like that.. i can ski
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#12
I think the appropriate title would be broke my wrist in an attempt to get laid. Not broke my wrist trying to get laid. That sounds like your in the middle of it and then "OH NOES MY WRIST, ITZ BROKEN"
Tonight, we stagger out from the basement...


I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.

...Or fall to our deaths from above
#13
He french fried when he should've pizza'd, and now he's having a bad time...
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#14
Quote by shadow__666
Yesterday, I went to an indoor ski arena with my kid sister where I saw all the ski bunnies down the bottom. I tried to pick one of them up by bragging about my skiing abilities and they said they wanted to see me in action, so I went to the very top of the run. One small catch though.

I've never skied in my life.

But ignoring all common sense as you do in the pursuit of vagina, I managed to start heading down the hill. Holy sh*t this feels awesome...I wanna keep doing this...holy sh*t...HOLY SH*T!!!

I didn't know how to stop.

Long story short, I crashed into the wall at the bottom and for my trouble, broke my wanking hand and I got three new scars for my trouble.

Just thought I'd share my story of fail with the Pit, since if I tell my real mates how I did it they'd just LOL. You guys will too, but the difference is that you're all virgins anyway.

Also, if anyone has similar stories, post them here.


You do realize the irony in this statement while telling a story of how you broke your own arm trying to impress a girl in the hope that she will have sex with you?
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#17
you managed to pwn yourself and everyone else in the Pit. Good job TS.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#18
Quote by Kensai
You do realize the irony in this statement while telling a story of how you broke your own arm trying to impress a girl in the hope that she will have sex with you?


Never said he didn't get laid.....
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#19
Quote by shadow__666
Just thought I'd share my story of fail with the Pit, since if I tell my real mates how I did it they'd just LOL. You guys will too, but the difference is that you're all virgins anyway.


I am?
#20
Quote by figsandbobo
Never said he didn't get laid.....

I'd assume if he did he would mention it as well as not call it a "fail" story.

But hey, it's not like he seems like the sharpest knife in the drawer
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#21
Quote by Td_Nights
He french fried when he should've pizza'd, and now he's having a bad time...

WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#22
Quote by Kensai
You do realize the irony in this statement while telling a story of how you broke your own arm trying to impress a girl in the hope that she will have sex with you?

I do, yes.
But at least I tried, goddamnit. At least I did that. Guess the reference.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#25
Quote by Kensai
I'd assume if he did he would mention it as well as not call it a "fail" story.

But hey, it's not like he seems like the sharpest knife in the drawer


Maybe he got laid and she broke his dick.

(I hear it happens)

That would make it pretty "fail". Unless you're into that kind of thing.

>_>
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#27
Quote by Altoidwithmelon
HAHAHHAHA you are an embarassment to the kingdom that is The Pit..


GET OUT


Embarrassment? By god man, he should be king! At least he tried, instead of watching pr0n like all the other pit monkeys do
Member 15 of the IRON MAIDEN ARE GODS club. PM Revelations to join.

Founder of the I love nickelodeon club. PM me to join.
#28
Good story, TS. I give it an A+. Would definitely read it again. I really like the part where you looked like a moron.
#29
Quote by happytimeharry
Good story, TS. I give it an A+. Would definitely read it again. I really like the part where you looked like a moron.

You liked the whole story then...me too.
Her friends are gazing on her,
And on her gaudy bier,
And weep!-oh! to dishonor
Dead beauty with a tear!
They loved her for her wealth-
And they hated her for her pride-
But she grew in feeble health,
And they love her-that she died.
#31
Well that was enlightening. So in summary, you made yourself look like an ass, broke your wrist, and now you can't even fap? Epic fail my lad, epic fail.
Quote by Kensai





Quote by Lots O' FX
Why do you hate America?
#32
Quote by woMANintheBOX19
You liked the whole story then...me too.


Hell yes I did. It tugged at my heartstrings! It kept me locked in suspense! It had me tearing up with laughter!

Bravo, I say. BRAVO!
#33
Quote by happytimeharry
Good story, TS. I give it an A+. Would definitely read it again. I really like the part where you looked like a moron.

Glad to see you enjoyed the whole thing. I couldn't pinpoint a part where I looked like more of a moron than any other part, enlighten me?
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#34
Quote by happytimeharry
Hell yes I did. It tugged at my heartstrings! It kept me locked in suspense! It had me tearing up with laughter!

Bravo, I say. BRAVO!

I'm totally gonna do something I can't do in the first place to impress someone now. It's the way to go!
Her friends are gazing on her,
And on her gaudy bier,
And weep!-oh! to dishonor
Dead beauty with a tear!
They loved her for her wealth-
And they hated her for her pride-
But she grew in feeble health,
And they love her-that she died.
#35
shouldve been like "Oh there I go, falling for you" and then they forget all about the massive fail..or just laugh harder

most likely they'll laugh harder
#37
Quote by shadow__666
I couldn't pinpoint a part where I looked like more of a moron than any other part, enlighten me?


That's kinda the point, broseph.

Quote by Cockpuncher 2.0
shouldve been like "Oh there I go, falling for you" and then they forget all about the massive fail..or just laugh harder

most likely they'll laugh harder


#38
Quote by Sharp_as_steel
Embarrassment? By god man, he should be king! At least he tried, instead of watching pr0n like all the other pit monkeys do


Erm, notice how he said "Broke my wanking hand"

What do you assume he might be wanking to if he doesn't watch "pr0n"[sic]

inb4 yo momma or similar crap.
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become a circumsizer, you get like £60,000 a year + tips.

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Because I'm not aerodynamic. All the other airborne furniture laugh at me.

LIKE PORTISHEAD?
#39
Quote by Cockpuncher 2.0
shouldve been like "Oh there I go, falling for you" and then they forget all about the massive fail..or just laugh harder

most likely they'll laugh harder

I didn't actually get to see their reactions. I knocked myself out, and then woke up in the first aid room. From there it was off to A&E.
Quote by Cathbard
If all you had to go on was the forum you'd think a Decimator could cure noise caused by dodgey stage lighting and restock the ocean's population of sperm whales
#40
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
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