#1
Light up the cinnamon incense,
stick that shit in the ash tray.
pass me the blunt,
and were off.
Off to a party full of prudes,
gonna bust down the door
with my right arm smellin like sex
and my left reeking like weed.
Somehow I'm expecting to fit right in.

Oh God.
There she is.
Sitting alone in the corner
"Well thats a little odd."
Why the hell isn't that blonde beauty,
galloping around,
laughing, striding,
smiling with those gorgeous blue eyes,
talking to every guy she sees.
"William!!!"
yea I came,
now what?
do we talk? do we ignore each other?
I mean your already ignoring everyone else.
Oh God,
I hope she wasn't waiting for me.
"Hey Steph. whats new with you?"
Damnit,
couldn't you have picked a better line.

It's so hard to erase someone like that,
from my life,
from my entire being.
Noone else ever really cared to see me show up,
with tobacco hanging off my lip,
my right hand twitching like a chainsaw,
and the tin in my back pocket,
that im hoping to God is noticeable enough
for someone as oblivious as her to see.
Then it would be easy,
she would know where i was,
and wouldn't want to talk to me again,
but God,
she keeps smiling at me and
our eyes cant break this connection.
God, why does she have to smile like that?
"Oh ya know the usual. just hanging out with friends!!!,
oh and I've got a boyfriend now!! but he makes
me feel like a bad person. What about you?"
What!!!!
how is that even possible,
I ought to take him out for a drink,
teach that cocksucker a thing or two,
about treating a girl like that this way.
If hes going to learn from anyone,
it should be me.
"I uhh theres this...and uhh...you sure look pretty tonight."
Damnit,
Why cant you fucking speak!!!
"Well thank you. That made my night!!
I didn't really do anything different."
of course you didn't.

Everyone heres a prick,
I can feel them staring me down,
I can hear their thoughts,
"he better not try again with her,
if that guy hurts her one more time I swear..."
yea, I know.
I feel the same.
Shes too good for me,
trust me I know
but that doesn't mean I cant,
at least enjoy her company for the time being.
I mean give a guy a break,
I haven't seen her in a month.

"Hey I gotta go but I've missed you. you should
call me and we can do something. Maybe coffee?
you know how much I love coffee."
Oh God.
"ha yea I know. I'll give you a call. goodnight Beautiful."
and she kissed me,
this wasn't just a kiss goodnight,
this wasn't even a kiss off of the silver screen,
this was a scream,
a cry,
for help,
for love,
for me,
for anything.


What she doesn't know,
is theres a beautiful brunnette
sitting at home alone,
waiting for me to call.
#2
The first stanza doesn't seem related at all. We're going from weed smoking to awkward conversations.

The last stanza, I'm kinda torn on. I mean, in itself, it's a good ending with good execution. But it doesn't seem like a fulfilling ending. I don't know why, but it irked the hell out of me.

I mean give a guy a break,
I haven't seen her in a month.

This was an anti-climactic way to end the stanza. It was a very normal answer, and it made me feel like nothing was really gained through the stanza. Like you said all that negative stuff about why your there, and the only reason you should be there is because you haven't seen her in a while.

I think your second and next-to-last stanzas we're very solid, and stanza three had glimpses of goodness. Overall, it was a good piece.
#3
I actually read all of that, and I pretty much agree with everything Ninjamonkey said.

I enjoyed the last two stanzas the most.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#4
I didn't really like the first two stanza's.. like ninjamonkey said the first stanza was awkward.
But I really started to like it as I read on (:
I really like the lines:
I didn't really do anything different."
of course you didn't.

That really made me awee xD
So yeah, I liked it a lot (:

Curious, but do you have music along with this? or sing it?
I figured it was a poem.. but maybe i thought wrong xD
#5
other than the first stanza, i quite liked it.

but, why the link to smoking blunts?
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#6
I read it. I don't know what to say. I didn't hate it; I didn't like it... just felt like you needed to write it. It was believable; I took it as a true story; whether it is or not.

It took a long time to really get going... ending was good... but beginning was just so slow.