#1
in the words of the immortal tasmanian devil,
"aargharaghhharghharhghashhharghhharghhg"
ots. c4c.


accidental english
i sat on the street corner,
hands bound to lamp post.
i smiled graciously as i played host.
street coroner giving out champagne toasts,
and i was drunk on driving down empty roads,
where every intersection becomes a prayer,
but there's never anyone there.
i had unanswered questions about air intake collections
while i played my life out in poorly-titled sections.
"this one is called, mermaid boy."
when i looked through green-gray fuzz,
to the dazzling, sunlit, stomach-sick shores
i just felt cold. so very cold.
and every ripple-swayed cloud
was a thunderstorm waiting to happen,
and every tear-stained desert drought
was another day in my own private wasteland.
so, i laid on the bottom of the wishing well
and swallowed your coins, and your hope and your doubts.
i became a wave in an endless tidal bout,
a flurry of weak-fisted punches to knock the pearl from the clam's mouth,
or i became the exhaust from the bus on your child's first day of school,
or the sound of the soldier's gun when he fires his 21st salute.
i just became anything, but a fucking fever dream that swirled inside
that poor boy's head, or i laid my petals on the lighthouse keeper's bed
and i swam to the island where vultures circled overhead,
or i slept for days and woke up unchanged, grabbed my car keys
and drove off into an endless sunset, and i guessed that it didn't mean anything,
because i live in landlocked layers of schoolboy disillusion, and i have nowhere to go.
#2
love these words

so, i laid on the bottom of the wishing well
and swallowed your coins, and your hope and your doubts.

C4c?

i wrote the happy sad song
#3
I haven't read on of your pieces in a while, but from what I remeber they were usually great. This is no exception.. Lots of good imagery, which I dig and the peom felt very relatable. I just have a few minor complaints. The 2nd-5th lines. The AAAA rhyming is really bugging me. I think you could do away with the "toast" after champagne. Also "green-grey fuzz" kind of bothers.. Maybe it's just me, but "fuzz" seems to have more of a cute/cuddly vibe to it, it doesn't really seem to fit with the rest of the poem. Also I this one is really minor, but towards the end all the "or I became" lines, I think "and I became" would have a slightly stronger impact. It's your call though. Anyways, great job, man.


Crit mine please
Me Siento Como Dios
#4
THis, as per usual, was beautiful. You have suh an amazing talent. I love reading your stuff. marry me?
#5
"this one is called, mermaid boy."
I didn't like the comma in the middle.


Apart from that, I it.
#6
thanks guys.

kdownes (kyle?), i'd marry you, but you would most assuredly be too nice which would interrupt my self-destructive life pattern and deprive me of anything to write about. themarsvolta, long time no see, i'm interested to see what you're up to these days, i'll try to get to your piece some time soon.