#1
Shaking bodies.
Yours trembling with the force
of the air being shot and shoved
into your tiny lungs,
Mine with the overwhelming course
of grief, worry, and fear smothering
my siezing lungs.

For a three year old,
you handle those ventilators well enough.
I know it's the paralysis meds,
but I've never seen you calmer.
The sedatives are working,
you're no longer
screaming and crying.
Which is good, I guess...
but I'm starting to prefer
the whining to the dead silence.
The blood-- that I could do without,
but Comatose Andrew is
shaking and making
my lungs rattle.

My organs may be quivering,
but they're not shivering
to shed and send out more blood
like yours.
Which is good, I guess...

I'm itching to stroke your hair,
but the nurses warn me that affection
will irritate your skin.
Which is good, I guess...
I can't bring myself to edge
much closer to that bed,
the one swallowing you up.
It's too real,
and I can't stop shaking
any more than you can.
Each puff of air blasted
into your struggling lungs,
keeps you in this room,
but each jagged breath
pushes me farther and farther
away.

So I leave,
walk out of the ICU,
down the hall,
not even bothering
to call the nurses,
and let them know
I'm gone.
If you don't get to know,
then what fucking right
do they have?

Andrew,
when you wake up,
honey,
I swear I'll smother you
in so many hugs and kisses,
it'll be hard for you to breathe.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#3
wow, it's been a while since your last post, i'll be back with thoughts on this later.
#4
Thanks for the condolences. I appreciate it. (Still, I'm open to technical crits...) If you've got something, drop a link and I'll gladly take a look at it.

NGD1313, looking forward to it.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#7
Thanks everyone. I was worried about the phrase you mentioned, Bizarro. I wasn't sure whether or not it would work the way I intended it to, but I guess it did.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#8
Holy wow, that was intense, There not much technically wrong with a free verse story kind of thing, you got the emotions down and that is most important. Excellent
#9
Wow. Just wow. This is such a painful, yet beautiful piece. I’ve read this like 12 times over the last two days and can’t come up with any words to accurately describe the feeling I get when I read these words. What really got me was the opening stanza comparing and contrasting Andrew’s shaking and your own shaking. The stanza about not bothering with the nurses was also incredibly intense. Beautiful work! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I haven’t legitimately prayed in probably over a year, but I will make certain I say a prayer for you and Andrew.