#1
Hey all.

My band and I are writing an EP entitled Creator of the Universe and this is Part IV (Song #4 in other words) and its the first song we have written/are in the process of writing.

I jsut got like the first 50 or so measures down, but the entire song is pretty much finished in my head. I just gotta tab it out.

The bass work after measure 23 is kinda bad because i tried to do it. The bassist did the first 23

I wanted to know what you guys think.

Thanks

I shall crit yours in return.

EDIT: Added in some basswork. Its mostly a placeholder till the bassist gets to writing it. its not going to actually be that repetitive. To view the updated version, click on "COTU IV 2.zip"
Attachments:
COTU IV.zip
COTU IV 2.zip
Last edited by The Spoon at Dec 31, 2008,
#2
The fact the entire thing is in 4/4 yet in all triplets tells me it should have just been written in 6/8 at a different tempo...

It's certainly very technical, but the drums sound empty and the lack of bass after measure 25 doesn't help. For it to be truly prog, I think the next part of the song needs to have a completely different feel than the agressive triplets, and your bassist should play keyboards at some point (Ala Geddy Lee), and the more harmonized or polymetric (Ala Yes) the bass and guitar, the better.

Keep working though, it has it's promising moments.
I am the meek.

And I shall inherit the earth.
#3
Drums probably feel empty because most of the song doesnt really have bass drum. I was too lazy to put it in.

And yes, theres parts of the song where keyboards come in, but thats later on

Thanks for taking the time to crit it though
Last edited by The Spoon at Dec 31, 2008,
#4
Thanks for critting mine (:

Well, First off, I liked the actual riff.
Sounded very Post-Hardcore.

Yeah, the drums were rather weird and boring, haha.
I loved how the bass accompanied the guitar.
But in my opinion,
The bass should just play its own thing, y'know?

All in All, a good start.
8/10.

Keep it up, man.
Your light bulb knows everything you do in your room.
#5
I wasn't sure what you were doing with this piece.

It's tasty regardless.
But short.
Is this just a medley of sorts? Or is it gunna be a full blown song?

The epicness meter is all over the place. Especially with the bass at the forefront of the action. I like that. It's good you didn't push it to the back of the mix.
The structure of the song is well-orchestrated as too. It's fluent and nothing feels out of place.

The triplets do feel heavy handed after a while though.
That's why I mentioned that this songs appears to be a medley. This song gives off the impression that it's more of a demo and I feel that the overall pace is what implies the notion that it is just a demo.
But idk. I'm just rambling on.

Damn, I feel stupid.
Didn't read your first post.
That kind explains it.
hahaha
#6
Quote by huevos
I wasn't sure what you were doing with this piece.

It's tasty regardless.
But short.
Is this just a medley of sorts? Or is it gunna be a full blown song?

The epicness meter is all over the place. Especially with the bass at the forefront of the action. I like that. It's good you didn't push it to the back of the mix.
The structure of the song is well-orchestrated as too. It's fluent and nothing feels out of place.

The triplets do feel heavy handed after a while though.
That's why I mentioned that this songs appears to be a medley. This song gives off the impression that it's more of a demo and I feel that the overall pace is what implies the notion that it is just a demo.
But idk. I'm just rambling on.

Damn, I feel stupid.
Didn't read your first post.
That kind explains it.
hahaha

Yeah, its the intro to a piece. I just wanted to share this little bit.

But after this intro, im going to change it up and its going to sound darker. And there wont be anymore triplets, cuz im getting kind of sick of those.

But thanks so much for critting mine

Oh yeah, and in response to your sig, I do love Arsis

Quote by reaper_x
Thanks for critting mine (:

Well, First off, I liked the actual riff.
Sounded very Post-Hardcore.

Yeah, the drums were rather weird and boring, haha.
I loved how the bass accompanied the guitar.
But in my opinion,
The bass should just play its own thing, y'know?

All in All, a good start.
8/10.

Keep it up, man.

Well thank you for critting mine

Yeah drums sound pretty basic and normal. I did that mostly so that the song sounds fuller when i play it in guitar pro. Im not very good with writing drums, so i make it basic. The drummer is a lot better and adds in his own fills and stuff.
#7
It's kind of groovy, I like it, but the constant 8th notes for 50 bars with no rhythmic variation starts to sound kind of... bland :/

You should spice up the rhythm a bit, and i agree with the other guy that maybe the bass and the guitar should do their own separate thing rather than just copying each other.

Oh, and it's written wrong: It should be in 12/8, not all triplets in 4/4. :P

A good start though, i'd like to see where you go with it.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1036502
wat.
#8
Yeah, now that you mention it, it does get a bit boring.

I was actually thinking about changing up the guitar parts so that it doesnt get so boring. Ill have the drummer change it up and add in some fills or something.

Thanks for the crit