#1
This is a new song I wrote. I hope you guys like it. Tell me what you think. =]

Between life and death
Breathing your very last breath
A choice between heaven and hell
Im falling beneath your evil spell
Its utter chaos, for those who believe
The sign of the cross, dont be so naive

Blinded by what you see every day
Feeling the fear, it aint going away
Cold hard chills shivering down your spine
To err is human to forgive is divine

They say
You're unable to control your fear
Dont always believe stories that you hear
I come to open the cemetary gates
1221 is the exact date
Nobody else living, noone alive
You've all lost your will to survive

Walking in and waiting til the end
My mind doesnt believe, my heart cant pretend
Tombstones sitting left and right
Beginning to see some moonlight
Its just a dream, its all in my head
If you die in your dreams, you die in your bed

Can this day ever move on?
Im here today, is everyone gone?
Is it over? 1221
That was yesterday and yesterdays gone
When I buy my wife, at first she cook good, her vagine worked well, she strong on plow, but three years later when she was fifteen, she receive hair on her chest, her voice become deep, "BORAT, BORAT", and her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard
#2
Quote by doompers7491
This is a new song I wrote. I hope you guys like it. Tell me what you think. =]

Between life and death
Breathing your very last breath
A choice between heaven and hell
Im falling beneath your evil spell beneath doesn't seem like the right word here
Its utter chaos, for those who believe
The sign of the cross, dont be so naive

Blinded by what you see every day nice alliteration in these first 3 lines
Feeling the fear, it aint going away
Cold hard chills shivering down your spine
To err is human to forgive is divine

They say
You're unable to control your fear
Dont always believe stories that you hear elaborate more on the ideas of death
I come to open the cemetary gates
1221 is the exact date
Nobody else living, noone alive this gets a bit repetitive here
You've all lost your will to survive

Walking in and waiting til the end
My mind doesnt believe, my heart cant pretend
Tombstones sitting left and right
Beginning to see some moonlight
Its just a dream, its all in my head
If you die in your dreams, you die in your bed

Can this day ever move on?
Im here today, is everyone gone?
Is it over? 1221
That was yesterday and yesterdays gone


I like the overall feeling of the poem, the only thing I have a problem with is that the AABBCCDD rhyme scheme got a bit repititive. I especially liked the "if you die in your dreams you die in your bed" line. What kind of music is this going to be set to?

Crit 4 crit Walkin Through my Garden please?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1035554
Goodness gracious me!
Last edited by Bizarro at Jan 1, 2009,