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#1
I would like to hear some opinions on a situation that's come up between my boyfriend and I. And, yes, I know there is a relationship thread, but, don't worry, my pretties, this shall expand to something non-relationship specific.

I have a cousin that's three years old. He was taken to the hospital for bleeding in his lungs. Sobbing my eyes out, I called my boyfriend when they had to lifeflight him to another hospital and gave the poor guy a fifty/fifty chance. Now, my boyfriend, Josh, had met my cousin, Andrew, a week before and he's heard me talk about him all the time, but he did not give a **** about it at all. I understand sometimes guys don't know what to say to comfort someone, but he's usually good at this sort of thing. He completely zoned out (and I'm pretty sure he was playing video games while I was blubbering) and just replied, "Well, that sucks. I'm sorry."

I also understand I shouldn't expect every ounce of his attention whenever I need it, but he did something that... well, it pissed me off. I emailed him yesterday (he's in Germany, only form of communication) and told him what was going on and mentioned that my cousin was doing better. He didn't mention anything about it in the email back, and so I was joking and said back, "Oh well, I'll spare you the details next time since you seem seriously disinterested."

Do you know what that boy replied? "Not that I'm bored or disinterested, it's just that it's all the same to me."

So now, I'm pretty mad and I'm not sure if I should be. And so the question I pose to you, Pit, is am I expecting too much from a teenage guy to be in the slightest bit interested in this? Am I being unreasonable and hormonal, or is my irritation founded? Are guys even capable of being truly empathetic and sympathetic, or am I completely disillusioned?

NEW question: If I e-mailed him the link to this thread, what would do you think the consequences be?

I'm seriously considering it. A few of the posts express what I wanna say a helluva lot better than I could.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
Last edited by nerk13 at Jan 1, 2009,
#2
I dunno, it's all the same to me


Anyway, you should probably post this in the relationship thread in any case, you'll get a much better answer from the (very helpful) regs.
#3
Quote by LordBishek
I dunno, it's all the same to me


Oh, you're funny.

XD I really should have expected that.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#4
I think you are expecting a bit much, he only met him a week before it happened, and it was only once, right? You can't force him to have feelings he doesn't have.
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#5
You have the right to be mad, that was harsh.

Oftentimes we just don't know how to respond to a woman's sadness, but he seems completely indifferent.
#6
It's not the fact that he should feel concerned about Andrew necessarily, but rather I was practically sick from how upset I was about it and he had no interest whatsoever in the situation. However, my friends and people I didn't even know that well were praying for us and asking to be kept updated.

I dunno.... but I do see what you're saying.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#8
He seems a little harsh. The least he could say was, "wow, seriously? That's no good..."
I hang out with a lot of dudes and I don't think any of them would react this way if I had a little brother in the hospital.
#9
Quote by Shred Head
You have the right to be mad, that was harsh.

Oftentimes we just don't know how to respond to a woman's sadness, but he seems completely indifferent.



This

Not knowing how to respond to an event and showing complete indifference to it are two completely different things.It doesn't matter that he only met the little tyke a week before it happened,the kid is still closely connected to the woman he's together with and he should understand your suffering and at least offer some support and sympathy.Sounds to me like he was a real douche-canoe about the whole thing.

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#10
Quote by SonOfSanguinus
e-kick him

But srsly, if that was my girlfriend, I'd be pretty pissed. If I was your boyfriend, I be checking up every day to see how both of you are


That's what I'm talking about!!

But, see, I feel bad because I don't know if I'm expecting to much from him because I mean he's in Europe, family vacation, blah, blah, etc. He's got his own **** going on.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#11
to be honest, that would be my reaction, but i sure as hell wouldnt let my girlfriend know that! I would at least fake that im concerned, if that helps.
If my girlfriend told me that i wouldn't be super upset but she is used to me being very unemotional/unserious.

I know the guys pain though, ive been with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half, and at some point i just start being very blunt about things, because i figure: "If this is really going to work out, I should be able to show her how i really feel", although she sometimes doesnt really want to get that reaction.

EDIT: makes me sound like a harsh guy, but im really not, I just wrote this in a way that makes me look like one
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Last edited by sacamano79 at Jan 1, 2009,
#12
I'm sorry to hear about your cousin, I hope he will be alright.

I agree some people act differently and don't know what to say. Perhaps he feels that being so far away he can't be of much use and was lost for words on it but he might not actually give a toss at all. Some people don't. Their full attention is only to themselves and you directly. The rest of your family are just seen as blips on the radar that aren't worth the time of day to acknowledge, regardless of how much they mean to you.

However in some situations attention should be given regardless (if they actually care at all), its fine to ignore some forms of crying and stuff but when you have someone who might die and they mean a lot to you then that is more important than a video game or other things that don't rank as high. The game can be paused or replayed, etc.

In saying that though age can prove to be a point on the support and sympathy thing. Generally the older the person the more supportive they might be, younger people tend to get stuck in the "Me, Me, Me" rutt of life and think that anything no matter how big or small, will be a more important thing than anything you might be going through.
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#13
he's a dick if i were him i would at least try to comfort you the best i could instead of pretty much shrugging it off
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#14
well... seems to me that one of two things is happening...

A) He simply doesn't know what to say to make you feel better or how to say it...

Or B) He simply doesn't care a whole lot about your cousin.

Either way, you can't expect him to make a huge deal out of a problem that, if not for you, would otherwise be meaningless/not exist to him.

Selfish? perhaps. But that's just the way it is.

However, true empathy and sympathy can be extracted from a MAN... but judging by your age i'm going to assume he is also a young'n thus making it all the more insane to expect anything real from him at all.
This water's dark and coldGod's not where you hopedThis moment come and goneIt's time we all moved on
#15
Quote by Pr0gNut
This

Not knowing how to respond to an event and showing complete indifference to it are two completely different things.It doesn't matter that he only met the little tyke a week before it happened,the kid is still closely connected to the woman he's together with and he should understand your suffering and at least offer some support and sympathy.Sounds to me like he was a real douche-canoe about the whole thing.


For cereal? Okay, because, ironically, his grandmother just fell down the stairs and broke her arm, and I've been keeping track on what's going on with her, sending her my best wishes, praying for her... pretty much the whole nine yards, and I just wrote that difference off to the fact that I'm a little more sensitive to feeling sympathy and being concerned about others.

Douche-canoe... I like it.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#16
Damn it the title made me horny anyways sorry to hear about the little dude i hope he gets well immediately a baby shouldn't have to face these type of things
#17
Sorry to hear about your cousin and I hope things turn out good.

but about your bf, to say " its all the same for me" is kind of crazy,

It would matter to me since the situation is very troubling for someone I care for and I would at least have tried to offer some support.
#19
That guy is a douche! He should be concerned with YOU, even if he has no interest with your cousin...If he even cares about you he would be WAY more concerned about your feelings about this, and he would at least TRY to console you...even if it were unsuccessful.
Seriously, he is a lame male-partener, you should dump his ass! If I even KNEW a girl who was in the emotional quandrey that you seem to have been in, I would be conserned...It is a hard thing to deal with, and he was VERY insencitive. I feel ANYONE could have handled it better than that.
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fret-less is wrong on most of his other points though. And he's an idiot.
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#20
yeah, he should show a bit more interest, or at least how you feel in the situation. id call everyday check up on it all.

lol, does he come on UG?
Is bad ass one or two words?
#21
Quote by Alter-Bridge
I think you are expecting a bit much, he only met him a week before it happened, and it was only once, right? You can't force him to have feelings he doesn't have.


That's not the point, though. The point is that she is hurt. He doesn't have to care about the cousin, but he should care about how it makes her feel.

You have every right to be angry. He's basically saying "all your whining just blends together and I'm too inconsiderate to listen to you when you need help." What an asshat.
#22
Quote by nerk13
That's what I'm talking about!!

But, see, I feel bad because I don't know if I'm expecting to much from him because I mean he's in Europe, family vacation, blah, blah, etc. He's got his own **** going on.



ur bf is a chode, no offense, but still, ur bf is a chode. Firstly, This is a human life we are talking about and he should be concerned about that. Second, that human life directly affects you and your emotions and he should be affected by that.
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#23
Well, I certainly wouldn't do that to my girlfriend, if I had one.
Maybe he values honesty? Still stupid of him though.
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#24
He was too indifferent and harsh, but don't forget he may have some personal issues of his own.
He may think he can't handle your problem aswell. That may be why he is playing video games and being zoned-out too.
(The above has happened to me, without the video games part :P )
I must stop wasting time in The Pit and practice!
#25
Seeing as there are numerous post above mine that I have no interest in reading, I'll say this. That guy is a douche, I have a feeling that I'm more worried about your cousin then that sorry excuse for a person is, and I recommend you kick his sorry ass to the curb. Seriously, if he can't react to something like that, he has no heart.
Quote by Teh Traineez0rz
yeah was weird cause she liked us both but she loved him and for some reason she let me know beforehand.

i just wanted her poon and she wanted me to have her poon.

so i had myself some poon.
#26
Quote by nerk13
For cereal? Okay, because, ironically, his grandmother just fell down the stairs and broke her arm, and I've been keeping track on what's going on with her, sending her my best wishes, praying for her... pretty much the whole nine yards, and I just wrote that difference off to the fact that I'm a little more sensitive to feeling sympathy and being concerned about others.

Douche-canoe... I like it.



It's a scientific fact that putting the word "douche" in front of any noun instantly makes it like 10x better


On a serious note,my first post was written from my perspective and how I act in relationships so it may be a different case for your guy.I know that if my GF's little cousin was in a situation like that I'd be worried as all hell.I may not know the little guy that well or have an emotional attachment to him but she does and his suffering= her suffering, which = my suffering,that's the way I look at it at least.I don't really see how you can show disinterest in something that has a potentially huge affect on your loved ones emotional and mental well being.Sounds to me like your guy is probably a bit young and self centered,which is never fun to deal with.

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#27
hes in germany he probably doesnt wanted bothered to feel bad
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#28
Quote by Pr0gNut
This

Not knowing how to respond to an event and showing complete indifference to it are two completely different things.It doesn't matter that he only met the little tyke a week before it happened,the kid is still closely connected to the woman he's together with and he should understand your suffering and at least offer some support and sympathy.Sounds to me like he was a real douche-canoe about the whole thing.



Douche Canoe.... I LOL'd
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#29
1) sorry about you're ittle cousin, tellem best wishes from me
2) youre boyfriends a douche, and a failure.
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Wait what?

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#32
Quote by smaniato
He was too indifferent and harsh, but don't forget he may have some personal issues of his own.
He may think he can't handle your problem aswell. That may be why he is playing video games and being zoned-out too.
(The above has happened to me, without the video games part :P )


I don't think so.... I mean, we've been going out for over a year now and we pretty much tell each other everything that's going on. I'd like to think that he'd tell me if something was bothering, or if he was having any issues of his own. I mean, last I heard from him, he was having fun getting drunk in Germany with his family.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#33
Quote by Portuguese_boy
lol.

What? I would say the majority of Pit are made up real men. I mean like hardcore, manly, masculine men. How dare you imply otherwise...
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#34
Quote by nerk13
What? I would say the majority of Pit are made up real men. I mean like hardcore, manly, masculine men. How dare you imply otherwise...

Ok so you like unemotional hardcore men yet you are complaining how your bf is being unemotional? Hmm...


straight women always confuse me.
#35
Quote by nerk13
I would like to hear some opinions on a situation that's come up between my boyfriend and I. And, yes, I know there is a relationship thread, but, don't worry


Yeah! Stick it to the man/girl/people!
#36
Quote by nerk13
What? I would say the majority of Pit are made up real men. I mean like hardcore, manly, masculine men. How dare you imply otherwise...

I'm considering siging this^^
Quote by Meths

fret-less is wrong on most of his other points though. And he's an idiot.
Quote by Mr Lincolnlogs
Whos penis is small? fret-less's

FREE COREYSMONSTER! I'm not changing this until you RE-BAN CoreysMonster forever.
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#37
Quote by nerk13
What? I would say the majority of Pit are made up real men. I mean like hardcore, manly, masculine men. How dare you imply otherwise...

Shes right my dick can bench 5 overweight hookers
#38
Quote by Z_cup_boy
Ok so you like unemotional hardcore men yet you are complaining how your bf is being unemotional? Hmm...


straight women always confuse me.


'Twas sarcasm, I swear.

Crooked women always confuse me.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#39
Quote by nerk13
'Twas sarcasm, I swear.

Crooked women always confuse me.

*ahem*
Um....you mean.....gay women?
Heh.
#40
Quote by dethead666
Shes right my dick can bench 5 overweight hookers



37 posts before it turned into jokes about hookers and dicks!

Isn't that some kind of record?

WARNING!: THIS USER HAS BEEN KNOWN TO BE AN OPINIONATED ASS. ALWAYS USE CAUTION WHEN READING POSTS AND NEVER USE NEAR AN OPEN FLAME.USE ONLY AS DIRECTED.KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN.







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