#1
So, on TV at the moment there is this really odd film called Fanny Hill. Because the title includes slang for female genitals I delved to wikipedia, as the TV channel doesn't ordinarily deal in seedy programs. Turns out Fanny Hill was the first erotic novel to be printed in english.

Now this is all well and good, but the wikipedia article is AWESOME, and I thought UG might get a kick out of it: Fanny Hill is sexier than thou.

For those who deny the win that is Fanny Hill, I give you an extract from the novel:

"...and now, disengag’d from the shirt, I saw, with wonder and surprise, what? not the play-thing of a boy, not the weapon of a man, but a maypole of so enormous a standard, that had proportions been observ’d, it must have belong’d to a young giant. Its prodigious size made me shrink again; yet I could not, without pleasure, behold, and even ventur’d to feel, such a length, such a breadth of animated ivory! perfectly well turn’d and fashion’d, the proud stiffness of which distended its skin, whose smooth polish and velvet softness might vie with that of the most delicate of our sex, and whose exquisite whiteness was not a little set off by a sprout of black curling hair round the root, through the jetty sprigs of which the fair skin shew’d as in a fine evening you may have remark’d the clear light ether through the branchwork of distant trees over-topping the summit of a hill: then the broad and blueish-casted incarnate of the head, and blue serpentines of its veins, altogether compos’d the most striking assemblage of figure and colours in nature. In short, it stood an object of terror and delight.

But what was yet more surprising, the owner of this natural curiosity, through the want of occasions in the strictness of his home-breeding, and the little time he had been in town not having afforded him one, was hitherto an absolute stranger, in practice at least, to the use of all that manhood he was so nobly stock’d with; and it now fell to my lot to stand his first trial of it, if I could resolve to run the risks of its disproportion to that tender part of me, which such an oversiz’d machine was very fit to lay in ruins."

Tl;dr - The guy has a fucking massive wang.
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#4
I've never heard a dick described in such flowery language.
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Don't ask me I have no idea how the hell it happened.




To Me:

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I love you
#5
Thankyou, you just described my penis.
The DNA results show that Jeremy Kyle is a nob.


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I want to look at your sexual naked body.
#6
My first impression when I read it was "Holy hell, George Elliot did porn scripts?"
Quote by Aftertime
Thanks Mr. Heafyman! you're an absolute legend
Quote by Ex'sAndOh's
Porn is everywhere. Look around.
Porn is in the forest, in your parents bedroom, in the sea.
But most importantly, in your heart.
Quote by Hypnotisation
I take dumps all the time! I R TURDBURGLAR!
#7
Quote by Heafyman

"...and now, disengag’d from the shirt, I saw, with wonder and surprise, WAT?


fixed
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On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#8
(faps) oh oh oh oh SHAZAM! now to clean up with shamwow....but on a smarter note this reminds me of the episode of south park where mr.garrison writes a romance novel about penises.
I use a line 6 what of it?