#1
I could use some help on how to make this flow better... maybe if i should take something out? and just some opinions

Verse one: Well im standing around with some friends. Just talking, when you become the topic of conversation again. Its my turn, i take a breath, look to the floor and begin. All of a sudden you walk through the door just as i'm talking about how great i think you are

and you catch my eye, "i was talking about someone else!" i lied. but you just wait there and smile. So were standing there, with time standing still and i know you see right through me, right through to my heart

chorus: And now my heart begins to race! my palms go cold and sweaty, blood rushes to my face. I think to myself, "be calm, don't worry" but its so hard when the girl you used to love is staring right into your face

verse 2: my thoughts begin to slow down, all i can think about is you. i wish you still loved me, but i know that thats never going to be true. So i should just give up, give in. But no matter what i do, my head always loses, my heart always wins

Im stuck in such a sweet, terrible, torturous state. I compose myself and try to act cool, but i know its too late. You already know whats going on in my head, whats happening in my mind, so you say something that puts me over the edge cause you're too cruel to be kind.

chorus: And now my heart begins to race! my palms go cold and sweaty, blood rushes to my face. I think to myself, "be calm, don't worry" but its easier said than done when the girl you think you love is staring right at your face

Verse 3: I have a silent affliction, and it won't hide. its detectable everywhere, from my trembling knees, to my gazing eyes.

I still love you, even though im broken inside. Such a terrible addiction, and im in withdrawal cause in your heart, i know, my part is small. In your eyes, i know, im nobody at all.

chorus: And now my heart begins to race! my palms go cold and sweaty, blood rushes to my face. I think to myself, "be calm, don't worry" but its so hard when the girl you know you love is staring right into your face
Last edited by theheirapparent at Jan 1, 2009,
#2
Quote by theheirapparent
I could use some help on how to make this flow better... maybe if i should take something out? and just some opinions

Verse one: Well im standing around with some friends. Just talking,
when you become the topic of conversation again.
Its my turn,
i take a breath,
look to the floor and begin.
All of a sudden you walk through the door
just as i'm talking about how great i think you are

good here, nice verse


and you catch my eye,
"i was talking about someone else!" i lied.
but you just wait there and smile.
So were standing there,
with time standing still and i know you see right through me,
right through to my heart

heart doesnt exactly fit, but it works


chorus: And now my heart begins to race!
my palms go cold and sweaty,
blood rushes to my face.
I think to myself, "be calm, don't worry"
but its so hard when the girl you used to love
is staring at your face
Face Doesnt work here....if its about a girl, try "with eyes so great, or something that rimes..."


verse 2: my thoughts begin to slow own,
all i can think about is you.
i wish you still loved me,
but i know that thats never going to be true.
So i should just give up, give in.
But no matter what i do,
my head always loses,
my heart always wins
You Can Really understand that you care for her... i like it
Im stuck in such a sweet,
terrible, torturous state.
I compose myself and try to act cool,
but i know its too late.
Try that it WAS too late
You already know whats going on in my head,
whats happening in my mind,
so you say something that puts me over the edge
cause you're too cruel to be kind.

chorus: And now my heart begins to race!
my palms go cold and sweaty,
blood rushes to my face.
I think to myself, "be calm, don't worry"
but its so hard when the girl you used to love
is staring at your face

Verse 3: I have a silent affliction,
and it won't hide.
its detectable everywhere, f
rom my trembling knees,
to my gazing eyes.

I still love you,
even though im broken inside.
Such a terrible addiction, a
nd im in withdrawal cause in your heart,
i know, my part is small.
In your eyes, i know, im nobody at all.

chorus: And now my heart begins to race!
my palms go cold and sweaty,
blood rushes to my face.
I think to myself, "be calm, don't worry"
but its so hard when the girl you used to love
is staring at your face



well basically, i broke it down for you, but it was VERY good....

c4c?


untitled, in my sig...
#3
oh thanks! i really appreciate it. heart fits syllable-wise. but for the face part, i was thinking like "right into your face" or something? do you think that would be better?

but im prettty sure i just did that one lol