#1
I know it's brief and repetitive, it's meant to be. Just a quick little song I wrote.

I am broken, I am bitter
Take me back, please reconsider
Yes, that was me a few short months ago
And now the flowers look sickly
And the songs have all quickly
Been played out just to make sure that you know

That my new year’s resolution
Is that my new year’s resolution
Won’t have anything to do with you

Now I’ve burned the calendar to ashes
And the masses of people
Have all had their drinks and gone home
Maybe you should learn from them
Cause I know you’ve got a problem
So now I’m telling everyone what they already know

That my new year’s resolution
Is that my new year’s resolution
Won’t have anything to do with you

Yes, my new year’s resolution
Is that my new year’s resolution
Won’t have anything to do with you
#3
cool...
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#4
This was good stuff. The repetition and cliched ideas add to the atmostphere and creates a sickly feeling. Your head hurts a little after reading this, which is a cool contradiction to the way it which you wrote it. I think, with a little tarting here and there, it could be improved, but not drastically. Because of that, there is only so far that this will take the reader. It is limited because of it's opposites but it still well worth reading.
The odd off putting line breaks are actually very quirky and fun to read, even if they disturb the flow quite a lot. Maybe that's why it's so enjoyable to read: because it's an extreme flow break and forces you to re-think what is going on, but not in a way that goes too far.
One thing to say, though: I don't like the second verse nearly as much as the chorus and first stanza. It's just flat and overly cliched. The balance was broken if you ask me.

Digitally Clean
#5
Quote by Mlnwd
I know it's brief and repetitive, it's meant to be. Just a quick little song I wrote.

I am broken, I am bitter
Take me back, please reconsider
Yes, that was me a few short months ago
And now the flowers look sickly
And the songs have all quickly
Been played out just to make sure that you know


These 4 lines could be made to same the same thing in a better fashion. I'd suggest rewriting them, because they just make no sense. Your point comes across, but the rhyming dosen't flow. It sounds forced.

That my new year’s resolution
Is that my new year’s resolution
Won’t have anything to do with you


Not a bad chorus. In fact it's stuck in my head now . Only one suggestion, and it would just make the song sound better to me. Maybe change the rhyme in the first and second lines? Songs usually sound better if they don't have the same word twice in a rhyme. Believe me it's noticible.

Now I’ve burned the calendar to ashes
And the masses of people
Have all had their drinks and gone home
Maybe you should learn from them
Cause I know you’ve got a problem
So now I’m telling everyone what they already know


Soso. Like your last verse, it started off strong and then got progressivley worse. The last line, however, was a very good ending. If you rewrite the middle, maybe? It's not an overly bad verse, it could just be improved.

That my new year’s resolution
Is that my new year’s resolution
Won’t have anything to do with you

Yes, my new year’s resolution
Is that my new year’s resolution
Won’t have anything to do with you


Standard ending. No qualms with this.



Overall it wasn't a bad song. It could just be improved. I think this would classify under the punk genre, but thats just how I'm singing it. I'd like to know what genre it is.

Good luck with any further songs
Rip Kylee Harris 4.13.93-11.28.08
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