three knocks and a c ock
no warning
bent window blinds glocking
he signals his friend to ignore the door

and mid sentence break
then a break
for the bedroom closet
where the guns are stored

splinters spread throughout the spread
bolt lock bypass
dip and dash out the back
"stop and plot its what makes us flesh"

"lights and sirens seem so load"
"and we got the heat right here"
then a series of thought lead by fear followed

a ruff sallow at the release of the trigger
flashing lights that trailed for hours
a seconds pause drew to long
a peaceful place that bit back on impact

Im back for good......leave me come crits!!!!
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him
whats it about?
Quote by smb
Freakish mammals bring the end times. It's not even 2012 yet and we're all on the path to extinction. Send cash now to God-TV!
This was much to sporadic for its own good. It dances and tiptoes around a theme; but never gets close enough (or sane enough) for me to connect. It's like reading random lines from an article about a break in. There wasn't enough here to make it pleasing to read; nor enough wit or imagery to make it inspiring either. When I finished; I simply said "meh" and moved on. There's really not much here to comment on... it simply wasn't engaging in the least. It was hard to even read through; because it just wasn't developed at all... nor was there enough content to develop a tone for the narration. It just moved along in a broken monotone.

Also; I get so many crits because I have put in my time on the board. When I first got here; I passed out at least 5 crits for each one I received. So; it happens.

I'll get to your other one soon. Just trying to get one for everyone so far.