#1
(PREVERSE)
FOR YOU TO BE SO SELF-RIGHTOUS
IS UTTERLY AN EXCUSE
YOUR EGOMANIACAL EXISTANCE
IS DUE TO YOUR ABUSE
(PRECHORUS)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE
TO FACE SUCH CONSEQUENCES
JUST TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
(PREVERSE)
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK IN THE MIRROR
NOT ANOTHER PILL
YOU LOOK LIKE ALL OF US ON THE INSIDE
YOU SUFFERED SO MUCH **** IT MAKES YOU ILL
(PRECHORUS)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE
TO FACE SUCH CONSEQUENCES
JUST TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
(BRIDGE A)
(BRIDGE B)
BREAKDOWN)
(SOLO)
(BRIDGE A)
(BRIDGE C)
(PRECORUS)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE
TO FACE SUCH CONSEQUENCES
JUST TAKE A LOOK AROUND YOU
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
(BRIDGE A- OUT)

song i wrote any suggestions on it i crit 4 crit, constructive criticism only please thank you
#2
Quote by relicmusic1990

For you to be so self-rightous
Is utterly an excuse
Your egonomical existance
Is die to your abuse
Great opening. but i think it needs to be twice as long. the way i read it, it's over far too quickly

You are not alone
You are not the only one
To face such consequences
Just take a look around you
the last line i thought was quite good, but the rest is too cliche for my liking especially the first line

Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face

It's alright to repeat the chorus, but i think in this piece, if you are repeating the same pre-chorus as well, it could get quite repetitive. Especially of the verses are so short.
Definately keep the first three lines, but I would possibly think up a new final three.


Take another look in the mirror
Not another pill
You look like all of us on the inside
You suffered so much it makes you ill
The first three lines are very good, but there were several things i didn't like about it.
1. the pill/ill rhyme is very bad, it just seems so forcedm, although that could be down to the rhythm as well
2. the rhythm/structure. the way a read this, the first three lines go together as a 'group'. then there should be another 3 that follow those. but you just stuck another line after that. to me it seems like you just did that to get the rhyme in.
However, those two points could just be down the to the way that i read this part.



You are not alone
You are not the only one
To face such consequences
take a look around you
-

Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face

-

You are not alone
You are not the only one
To face such consequences
Take a look around you

Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
Don't take another punch
Don't take another swear
Just throw that **** back in their face
granted there is a solo/bridge between the choruses, i think this is where it gets repetitive as I mentioned earlier. You could write a different pre-chorus for after the solo. And if you wanted the keep the choruses the same and not make the changes I mentioned earlier, then i would definately write a new last three lines for the closing chorus, just to make things 'fresh' and not repetitive.

there's my honest opinion of your piece. It's good, but it does need a bit of work
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