#1
i know it's not a perfect guitar solo,i'm too lazy to write one...im sure it will completly change when i play it... less notes maybe
it's all based on one riff, but i tried to do some variations...i think the vocals could kill the repetitions in the verses... mabe some guitar fills or bass fills...
what do u think?
Attachments:
honik riff(stand).zip
#3
Quote by tiammetadeth
i know it's not a perfect guitar solo,i'm too lazy to write one...im sure it will completly change when i play it... less notes maybe
it's all based on one riff, but i tried to do some variations...i think the vocals could kill the repetitions in the verses... mabe some guitar fills or bass fills...
what do u think?


Well, nice six string bass you have xD. And for the record, this feels like E minor, not G major.

This is very repetitive for one. The verses seemed to drag on. Vocals could fix it, but even a change in the verse half way through could keep someone interested. THe main riff was could (the solo guitar), although those triplets don't really fit. Take them out maybe?

The interlude is pretty boring , and it doesn't build to your solo very well. The solo is pretty good actually, I really like it. Bar 117 doesn't seem to fit, although I like the F used in the bar before. The trem picking is decent, but seems like a copout to write something better. The fast repeating patterns you use are very good, although your backing track doesn't really reflect the solo well.

7/10 Needs some touch-ups, but pretty sweet. Also, where's the Chorus?

And you'll get more replies by replying to other people's songs and leaving a link to this thread. Critique for critique, C4C, my friend
#4
alright. first one to crit. but also, if you want crits, go crit others, and you shall be critted back.
get ready for a good long crit.

i like how the other stuff came in at bar 6. nice. i like how the bass is constantly going, and at bar 21 its just sudden silence with the bass. it may seem boring, but this song is dying to have vocals written for it. this is perfect and could be a great song in my opinion with vocals. verses are good, like i said generic on their own but atleast a bit original and could sound fine with original creative vocals. nice use of a bass solo. havent seen one ever since ive been lurking on these tab forums. but im assuming its tapping right? it seems pretty unplayable. that bass solo is well done, but i think with more melodic sound chords backing it it could sound even better.
what vexes me is the lack of a chorus. you need to write a chorus, cause the structure is a little odd for a rock song. now for the solo. with the long vibratos, try to use notes not the exact root of the chord, look for interesting sounding stuff. trial and error maybe? what scale did you change to at 115? i like the change especially in 116, but the straight eighth notes and their contents at 115 are REALLY overused and quite generic. i like 120, but at 119, kept what you had going at bar 116-118. i REALLY liked that part. i think at 119 you should have 2h5---2h5-- on the g string. it feels like that would complete the melody you had going ... then 122 and 123 are nice and epic, but repeat 122 for 123, the change in rhythm guitar but continuance of lead sound good in my opinion. that bar is perfect in the progression so far and sounds really good. worthy of headswaying (rock's version of headbanging :P) but then bar 124 to 127 could be better, still more simple than 122 and 123 but more interesting than playing the root of the chord. infact, in those few bars, continue/extend the chord progression you had going in 122 and 123 so you had a 0 power chord, then 3, then go up to 8, and continue for one more bar. so with this rhythm chord progression, change your lead guitar at bar 124-125 as i think you should just get rid of 126 and 127 :P. but then at 128 and 129, its good again, but the mood the listener experiences (me) is ruined right after by the next three bars. perhaps you could change that so that it keeps the epic intense mood set by the fast sixteenth notes. the ending you have right now to the solo is obviously too abrupt i think you even know that. additionally, at 134 and 135 change the phrasing.. youve already used that with different notes and 122-123 and 128-129.

the rest of the song goes ok.

overall, its pretty good. obviously liek you said could be varied and try not to use the same riff all the time, change it maybe, move it up, do some interesting stuff. anyway that should help you out :P overall... 8/10. if you add choruses, and do whatever you want out of the above that i told you, it will most likely be better. but remember you dont HAVE to do what i said. its your song haha

i think you would like my songs benign ultimatum and the muse influenced song. crit benign ultimatum if you can please haha i spent 20 minutes writing this. anyway there you go. i hate when people dont reply to my stuff too, but all the metalcore gets 200 views.

EDIT: see? thats how long it took me to write this.. haha i was first at the time of writing meaning i wrote this for atleast half an hour. btu then this guy commented before i finished :P
My Metal (gp5) Songs


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Last edited by jamesdtsx at Jan 3, 2009,
#5
i really appreciate the time u gave to analyze this piece., both of u...
i will do some changes based on what u have already said and post it again
and i will crit your song as soon as possible, i swear
#6
In the intro I wasn't a huge fan of the bass on it's own, but once the heavier riff kicked it I liked the intro quite a bit more. To me in the intro the riffs almost sound conflicting, for lack of a better word. The intro bass sounded happy, the heavier riff sounds a bit darker, and the lead also sounds happy. I did like the heavier riff and the lead though.

The next few riffs to about 1:10 or so aren't anything special and get a bit repetitive. I'm sure that vocals will help this section however. I did like how you gave the bass a lead around 1:20 or so however, this made it interesting again. The lead around 1:44 seemed to end a bit abruptly in my opinion and that made the transition into the bass a bit awkward.

I liked your lead that started at 2:37 and went to around 3:10 or so, but again the end of it seemed abrupt to me. You gave the bass a lot of leads and let it be the center of the song for most of it which worked out pretty well for me.

Overall I thought it was good, but still could use some work. Some parts, the verse I'm assuming (I listened to MIDI), sound a bit boring and repetitive on their own but I'm sure that vocals over this section would fix that. You have some good ideas here, especially the guitar and bass leads.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1037972