#1
A Moments Lapse Of Memory

Aesthetic, these words draw nearer
A canvas to draw thy faith
The seconds feel like hours
Like ink your tears paint the slate

Help me get out of this
Self repetitive state
Help me leave this be
Before it digs my grave
I feel the tide is rising
Against my feet in the sand
I feel the times are changing
I watch things fall out of hand

Trapped behind false emotions
A fear I can’t escape
Paranoia drives my illusion
Of what is true and what is fake

Help me get out of this
Self repetitive state
Help me leave this be
Before it digs my grave
I feel the tide is rising
Against my feet in the sand
I feel the times are changing
I watch things fall out of hand

A Moments lapse of memory
From which these questions pan
Out in a scattered fashion
Falling out of hand

Help me get out of this
Self repetitive state
Help me leave this be
Before it digs my grave
I see the tide is rising
I feel myself sink in the sand
I predict my own extinction
I fear it’s the only thing going according to plan


Yes morgan, this song is from your point of view.

By the way, this is written in a song format.
Last edited by [[BurnTheDusk]] at Jan 3, 2009,
#2
Awesome lyrics. Most of it seems awesome except for the title. Pink Floyd much?
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#3
This wasn't bad. It wasn't really good either. It was too simple and safe. You've basically re-written a song a thousand other people have written before in both poetic and lyrical form. It doesn't cover much; and doesn't push any boundaries. Because it feels so static; its hard for me to critique much. There is little personality in this... it just doesn't have any zip to make it memorable. Sure; you throw some chords behind this and get a guy with a punk-haircut to sing it and you have a radio hit... but from the standpoint of looking at the lyrics... not much is offered here that will make it stand out from everything else I've read.

You need to personalize and attack. You need to add some personality and flare to your works if you want to really stand out from a crowd.

Thanks for getting to mine,

-zC
#4
Quote by ZanasCross
This wasn't bad. It wasn't really good either. It was too simple and safe. You've basically re-written a song a thousand other people have written before in both poetic and lyrical form. It doesn't cover much; and doesn't push any boundaries. Because it feels so static; its hard for me to critique much. There is little personality in this... it just doesn't have any zip to make it memorable. Sure; you throw some chords behind this and get a guy with a punk-haircut to sing it and you have a radio hit... but from the standpoint of looking at the lyrics... not much is offered here that will make it stand out from everything else I've read.

You need to personalize and attack. You need to add some personality and flare to your works if you want to really stand out from a crowd.

Thanks for getting to mine,

-zC

I was going for an opeth sound actually...

The bold is the heavy parts, itallics the soft parts