#1
Yey absurd genre descriptions!


This is a piece I've been fiddling around with for some time now. I'm not entirely happy with the verse melody, if it can even be called that. Vocal melodies are hell for me somehow.

I'm thinking of having growls on the later part of the Chorus (the one with clean vox as well), the post-chorus and the stick.

Also, I'm not not at all 100% about the way the pre-chorus melts into the chorus, but I wanted to try something different. Any opinions on that are much welcome.


Also, this piece is quite dependant on RSE to sound decent, but if you can't run RSE, the GP4 and the MIDI are recommended (removed let-rings where they sound bad with midi patch, changed dynamics to fit midi etc).


EDIT: as always, forgot file
Attachments:
our fading hope.zip
Last edited by descara at Jan 3, 2009,
#3
This song is VERY good. There are some riffs and stuffs that are not perfect, but anyway good job. 4/5.

Nice work man, if you keep up the good work you can become famous.
#5
Wow... Loved it. Do you perhaps listen to Swallow the Sun? You should have played the tremolo part in the end one more time, I was kinda disappointed when it ended that quick. I loved it, 9/10.
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#6
Thank you all very much for the kind words. And yes, I do listen to Swallow the Sun Roger on the ending part, I was considering having another run on it with everything "on full" (16ths + 4ths on the drums, strings included, tremolo on the lead guitar etc) and I think I'll add one then!


@Poglia

Which parts, especially? I'll probably be reworking on this for quite a while, esp. when my band gets practicing after the holidays, so if you could point out your major gripes it'd be a big help!
#7
good piano intro... except its a little too simple. change the rhythm a bit, but you know not too much more complex. or else itll sound overdone and listeners will neglect the backing progression. also why do you have hi hat and the rest of the drums in separate tracks? i loved the vocal melodies. all of them. i like the simplicity of this song too. intrigues me. at bar 209, that sounded a lot like muse. their type of piano melodies... anyway i love the piano in this entire song. everything has the right notes. not anything sounded odd or out of place. good transitions.. 9/10 crit mine? (benign ultimatum)

EDIT: one thing to improve overall was the general rhythms. straight eighth notes got a tiny bit boring.
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#8
Thanks, I'll look into those things! The reason I write hi-hat and drums in seperate tracks is a) to have seperate EQ 2) simplicity and easy to change dynamics on just the drums OR the hi-hat, also the hi-hat "dissapears" sometimes when having them in the same track.

And I absolutely agree with you on the rythms, that's one of the major overall things I need to work on when writing.

I will crit your song, though I'm going to eat delicious minced meat-and-dried-tomatoes-and-potatoes-pie so it might take a while!
#9
Good song, I really liked it. I know how hard it is to get a smooth tempo change in a song, but I think you should leave the chord held for a bar (or two) before you come in with the tempo change, to leave it less sudden.

Unless that's the effect you want, then by all means go for it.

I really liked the 'epic' feel you got on the outro as well. Very nice feel to the end of the song.

If you want to crit, go here, but I don't mind either way : )
#10
This was pretty good.. didn't have too much of a doom feel with they key signature though. I guess for the type of feel you were going for, you did it well. I was just expecting this to be heavier.

Most of it has already been said, but I would say just work on your riffing. It flows well, but that's because pretty much the whole song sounds basically like variations of one riff.

Not bad though, 7.5/10

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THE ARCHITECT σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

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#11
Nice, but your singer must sing high. D: I know, being a tenor, I can barely sing that high. Is she an alto? (just wondering)
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Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#12
@xwearesinking


Well, the (folk/gothic/doom), that was mainly my influences, but after all, there's alot of different kinds of doom - Electric Wizard, Warning and My Dying Bride don't exactly sound the same. Having doom in there was mainly so people won't expect it to be 4 minutes and über fast, not saying it's crushing über-heavy doom.

And yes - I know the song is built up around a kind of main theme, but that's the whole point. For lots of different riffs, see the first song in my sig.

Still, this song doesn't exactly recycle the same riff, rather there's quite a few chord progressions in there:

(two measures per chord except for the stick and last part of post-chorus)

chorus:
(note that the F#-chord purposedly is never really defined until the stick, hence the F#5)

Bm - A - G - F#5

verse:

Bm - D - A - Em

Pre-chorus:

D - A - Bm - Bm
G - D - Bm - Bm

Post-chorus

Bm - A - G - Em
D - A - Em - G|A

Stick

Em - A - Bm - Bm

and later

Em - A - D - A
G - G - F# - F#

Break&ending (shifting bass)

Bm - Em - D - F#


So yes, it circles around a main theme-kind of thing (which is the idea), but it is in no way a recycle of the same riff, and is also IMO more than variations of it.

Just wanted to clarify that I know it's not exactly contrasting, except for the stick then, but that that is the idea behind it.


@BlackandSilver

I think she would be an alto, though we have two singers (plus me on growl), one male and one female. I write all the vocals up there in GP though 'cause I think the choir pad sounds awful in any lower octave. I can send you a link to a live-clip of her singing another song in the same key if you want.
Last edited by descara at Jan 3, 2009,
#13
Wow, very nice.

I agree with pretty much everything. I understand it IS doom metal, so change up on the rhythms all the time kind of takes away the simplistic dark feel. Once and a while one wouldn't be so bad though :P.

Impressive melodies, good chord progressions. I really loved how it is all based on the main riff, makes it simple yet addictive.

9/10 .

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#14
good god man this is intense! any plans on recording it?

what programs do you have?
this Reminds me of virgin black a lot!
definitally 8/10

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#15
Critted AngrySockMonkey's, I'll crit yours after sleep Marskell (01:43 am here).

@Marskell

Might record this along with a few pieces of my band (this + the 2 in my sig + possibly 2-3 old songs), though it won't be much more than a home recording.

As for programs, I'm not sure what you meant, but I use GuitarPro for writing (down) and when I want decent drum or synth tracks I borrow a friends FLStudio + ezdrummer and truepianos.

Anyway, thanks for crits and good night from sweden!
#16
mad dude. ever heard of reason? i use it for my drum programming and piano etc etc
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#17
The first few bars of intro is kinda boring to me. Nothing much to say on verse. But as you've said, the vocal melody is quite , u know, simple (I can't think of a word). It's something-something. Well, some low growls should be put in the chorus. But it sounds really nice without them too.

There's nothing much to say about this song since I think it's nice if you keep like this. P.M me when you've recorded this song.
I'd give 9/10.
#18
not my style but i think it's good...i noticed 2 mistakes though:
-at bar 47(something is really wrong here dude)
-on the outro; sustaining the B chord doesn't work, bar 275 and after are being screwed by this chord

i give it 7/10...
#19
Obviously it's supposed to be played by real instrument (represented by RSE). Played with RSE the instruments will fade out quite quickly. The reason the I had the notes tied all over the outro is simply because I copied the first phrase, which had them tied since the guitar otherwise would stop ringing out very abruptly with RSE. I thought I had removed most of it for the midi version but apparently I hadn't.

Further on, there's nothing wrong with bar 47. It's dissonant (actually that melody only rests on a chord note in the first bar ), as the rythm section plays a F#5 and the melody a G, but the dissonance is the point. Why? It makes the whole thing want to resolve more.

However, it will likely sound a bit too dissonant with the MIDI patch. As you probably know, things sung by a choir (with several parts obviously) might sound crap and very dissonant when played on a for example a piano, and in the same way things played by a piano might not have such a strong resolve when sung by a choir. The same thing goes here, where it sounds decent (though not as good as real life) when played with RSE, but too dissonant with MIDI patch.

Just wanted to clear that up.


Also, thanks for the crits & suggestions everyone, currently reworking verse vox and trying to spice up the rythms. Declaringsunday, want me to crit another of your songs? Since you critted back x2.
#20
Intro/Chorus - Piano line was very repetetive, but it sounded great and the strings, and later the rest of the band make up for it.
Verse - Not much to say here, its great.
Interlude - a bit dull.
Verse/pre chorus - Verse is greeat once again, pre-chorus continues the same idea, but builds up to the chorus, well done.
Chorus - Much better with vocals.
Post Chorus - I like your use of open chords here. Gerat section, though i feel the piano could use a bit more volume.
Stick+Break - Contrasting indeed, but it flows very well. More of a bridge i think.
Tempo change>Outro - Kepping it brief here... Brilliant.

Great job.