#1
Hello, there!
Today is my 1st day in the underground music business. here are the lyrics to my 1st song:

[You're fierce, your wild
Not to mention you're fine.
Hear the line engine rhyme;
Love is war and Love is blind]

[Givin' an order makes you smile,
Takin' one makes you hostile
End your letters with FIN
The actual sin, is within]

Give it to me raw.
Tell me what i need to do to get better.
#3
so far so good.
Quote by megadeth rule
how do you trip on acid? was your shoelace untied?


Quote by perry589
Mikko, you remind me of a clogged up toilet. You're the poo that won't go away.
#4
Quote by Alain D

[You're fierce, you're wild
Not to mention you're fine.
Hear the line engine rhyme;
Love is war and war is blind]
Grammar, first line. The only thing about this is the consitancy in the rhymes. They seem slung all over the place. The first line is completely separated, then suddenly you've got this stream of fine/line/rhyme/blind. Also, I would recommend that red bit in the last line. Seems... sexier?

[Givin' an order makes you smile,
Takin' one makes you hostile
End your letters with FIN
The actual sin, is within]
Yeah....

It's short, and so self contained in the rhymes that it seems almost scared to concentrate on one specific thing. You keep branching out just to force some rhymes (see engine, letters).