i kissed a glacier in the arctic when i was on an expedition to study the behavorial pattern of seals, polar bears, and other frozen animals. it was negative thirty something. i had on wool socks, a fur hat and those flippy gloves with removable fingers. i gently placed my mouth on the giant rock and my tongue got stuck, who would have thought? i should have taken heed from that corny fu.cking christmas movie from the 70's or 80's or whenever. i thought it would make a great photograph, me kissing the glacier, something i'd show my girlfriend when i got back to the states. instead there i was, tongue fu.cking the remnants of some ice age popsicle.

of course, my partners snapped pictures from all different angles. made me give the thumbs up for the camera, i tried my best to flip them off but that proved too difficult with my gloves frozen on. even the seals and polar bears were laughing, they came up and posed with me and my partners just snapped the polaroids. one seal between my legs, one wrapped around my waist, both wearing their thawed out smiles, posing like the nothing models from sears catalogs or jc penny or whatever. a family of polar bears all huddled around me, slapping my back with their paws, nibbling at my feet, licking my face, all the while my friends snapping the candid pictures.

how embarrassing, but just you wait, i said, just you wait until i get back to the states. i'll burn the pictures along with thousands and thousands of gallons of gasoline and i'll do my best to poke tiny little holes all through out the ozone and the glacier i'm kissing will dissolve as will the ice you're standing on and this silly little moment in your shi.tty existence will just, poof!, vanish into nothingness.

fu.cking arctic animals, they didn't understand any of this. they kept smiling and laughing their stupid little animal laughs. well ha ha ha, atleast i could bring them a little bit of entertainment before i carelessly bring about their extinction.
Last edited by rushmore at Jan 5, 2009,
I really liked the way you used my last title as inspiration

seriously though
maybe the last line should be 'bring about', since bring upon is kind of sketchy grammatically. you would bring it upon them. not just bring upon.

the should have taken heed line was kind of clumsy
nothingness was kind of a predictably awkward word choice if you know what I mean. A little dull, comparatively.

whenever/whatever both kind of bothered me. At least the use of both of them in the same piece kind of close together did.

overall, this was really effective. You do well going with this idea and making it keep up speed up to the end. A pretty solid piece.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Haha, i loved this. You do what Zach can't do, effortlessly combine wit and story telling. I loved this. Did i say that already?