#1
Hi all. This is my first post on the UG forum. After reading some of the work on here I couldn't resist having some people give an honest opinion of what I have wrote. Below is one of many songs I've started to write and put on the back burner. There is guitar to it but that needs far too much work to put forward

Another Failed Love Song

There are times when I think of you
Then I know that it’s true
Love is not just a game to play

I hear stories now, now and then
Makes me wonder when
You and me can be together

You go home to your lover
I’m alone, oh why should I bother, then I remember
Love is not just a game to play

I stand alone by the sidelines
Patiently waiting for my time
At least now you know how I feel

Listening to the advice that I’m told
Don’t know what truth it holds
Is there a future for you and me

After waiting for you for so long
Thought I best write you a love song
It’s the best way to find the words

I thought we were moving forward
Turns out we’re really going backwards. Who would have thought
That was possible

All I want to know is where I stand
And is there a master plan?
Afterall, Love is not just a game to play

At least now we’ve had a chance to talk
It’s just as I thought
You and me can never be together

The idea of it all was really nice
But I should have thought twice
Things like that don’t happen to me


The 2 verses with lines much longer than the rest are played more aggressivley and with a different tempo
Last edited by Vazzza at Jan 6, 2009,
#2
Thats Good! I like the choppy pattern of it, It almost makes you imagine the beat, The first time through I couldn't get the rhythm of it, but on the second time through I felt like I could go lay down some improv to it.
#3
*reported*

Hey man check out the rules, regarding titles especially. You are only allowed the name of the piece and genre in the title, nothing else.

A mod might edit this thread for you seeing as it's only the title.
#4
Sorry, I did change the title of the thread almost straight away as an edit, but it didn't change on the forum page. Glad its changed now!

Thanks 6_months_n. It is the first song i worte music and lyrics to which is why its got quite a simple beat to it, makes my life easier
#5
pretty good, with a few flaws:
flow, especially in the third and seventh stanzas seemed a bit forced
the line "love is not just a game to play" seems a bit cliche to me, but it is a big part of your piece so you might want to keep it
Also, I really liked how you ended it
and that's it!