#1
ots. c4c. leave a link. also remind me if i owe you one.

out at night, i ask her on a date.
somewhere nice to eat, not too fancy
but nothing cheap. just about the right
balance to prove to her i'm worth something.
dressing sharp to impress her.
"maybe tonight" i think. we arrive at the place
i open the door for her, pull out her chair,
you know, being the gentleman i am.
anything to keep that face shining bright
we need something to drink.
she orders some wine. her skin glows under
my fluorescent eyes. the waitress gets here.
i pour liquid lies on her glass. she says thanks.
"honey, i'll be right back" i say while already
2 meters away from the table.
i come back a couple seconds later
"DARLING, WE NEED TO RUN - THERE'S A TIME BOMB
IN THE RESTROOM!"
she just smiles, looks at her watch and
asks for more wine.
Last edited by cubs at Jan 8, 2009,
#3
Just nitpicking stuff. I didn't like barely any of the line breaks. THis was really difficult to read with the wierd grammar punctuation and line breaks. Also, I didn't get the ending. I lost it completely. Its a good body work though. Can you check out "for alex" in my sig if you find time?