#1
Incorrectly posted the first time. My apologies to the admins.

I've been on a binge lately. I just sat down and started writing absentmindedly... And this kind of fell out. Feedback would be cool, I mean its just a mind dump you know? Positive or negative- either is fine really. Thanks for the read though.


teeth yellowed out from the cocaine and moonshine
dancing in the street lights
swervin through the road signs
so shaky and so ****ed up
how long have i been this way

september you left me
december forgot me
rocky mountain sky still drowns me

the voices lose their noises in the wind
a whisper circles me
hours burned on a cigarette
where do i long to be
but as i turn around
alone

september you left me
december forgot me
rocky mountain sky still drowns me

hope is turning through my head
i cant remember you
but you must be what i miss
im running waiting for a sound
staring at the ground again

im standing still
staring at the ground
again
#2
i like it
september you left me
december forgot me
rocky mountain sky still drowns me

sounds pretty good but not sure about rocky mountain sky still drowns me
#3
Yeah... I get what your saying. It still doesnt have a huge flow factor to me. The whole Rocky Mountains thing, I took my girlfriend (at the time) up there to our cabin and had a really romantic time and all. Then a month later she walked out after two years.

Makes more sense with the backstory lol. But it still needs a little fine tuning.
#4
I really like this a lot. When you let your soul write for you, the best stuff comes out. But know that other people can't understand it as well as you, and, therefore, can't appreciate it as it deserves. But I can tell this came from your heart and reading it was a pleasure
#5
Thanks man. The more i read it, it seems like the first line is pretty unnaturally weak. Kind of. I dunno lol.
#7
I'm still toying around with the chords for it. But for sure if this thread is still alive at the end of the week, I'll have something up. Thanks man
#11
I like it, although the end of the first stanza is a bit unnatural. What I assuming is the chorus, is really good, even the "rocky mountain sky still drowns me", but something else with that same amount of syllables would be good too.