#1
My newest creation. The verses are sort of dt, and i tried to fit some pantera. i also note it sounds MUCH better in real life. the choruses are sort of my take on protest the hero, or i had them in mind when writing it. the solo is just epic. all i can say. theres also no bass... too lazy, and it sounds fine now without, and im afraid if i put bass it would sound like theres too much going on. first person to name the references im making with the name of the album artist and song wins a prize. (to be said once you won, and yes its not something gay.)
Attachments:
Harmony Y.zip
My Metal (gp5) Songs


Quote by iimjpii

Quote by TEK34
A PE teachers got a shotput in the side of the dead


Head + dead = dead?
#2
References in the Info window, I suspect "Harmony Y" = Symphony X, "Pictures and Text" = "Images and Words", no definite idea about the Nightmare Circus yet, though.

Btw, bass wouldn't obstruct the piece in any way, in fact it would help it. Right now there's some bottom sorely lacking. If you are afraight it can get in the way of the arrangement, just stick to rootnote mirroring, you almost wouldn't notice it.

The piece shows you seem to know what you're doing. Personally, I could say that a little more dynamic variety would help, seeing as low 16th notes riffs are mainly prevalent through the song, and the drums are mostly in midtempo. You surely know about the tools you have for breaking things up a bit (clean break, long chords, fast sections, lead breaks throughout,etc.) .. and maybe it doesn't excite me that much because of the midi-effect (Lots of songs, that are actually good in real, sound boring in midi... especially the lack of (screaming) vocals can be responsible).

I hope you record this and there's more coming!
#3
Quote by Ailes
References in the Info window, I suspect "Harmony Y" = Symphony X, "Pictures and Text" = "Images and Words", no definite idea about the Nightmare Circus yet, though.

Btw, bass wouldn't obstruct the piece in any way, in fact it would help it. Right now there's some bottom sorely lacking. If you are afraight it can get in the way of the arrangement, just stick to rootnote mirroring, you almost wouldn't notice it.

The piece shows you seem to know what you're doing. Personally, I could say that a little more dynamic variety would help, seeing as low 16th notes riffs are mainly prevalent through the song, and the drums are mostly in midtempo. You surely know about the tools you have for breaking things up a bit (clean break, long chords, fast sections, lead breaks throughout,etc.) .. and maybe it doesn't excite me that much because of the midi-effect (Lots of songs, that are actually good in real, sound boring in midi... especially the lack of (screaming) vocals can be responsible).

I hope you record this and there's more coming!

Dream Theater.

+ I loved the keyboard, and the harmony on the solo.
- The tempochanges man, you need to work on those.
"A war is coming, I've seen it in my dreams. Fires sweeping through the earth, bodies in the streets, cities turned to dust. Retaliation..."


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An Abstract Illusion
Last edited by ..NEM.. at Jan 11, 2009,
#5
Quote by Ailes
References in the Info window, I suspect "Harmony Y" = Symphony X, "Pictures and Text" = "Images and Words", no definite idea about the Nightmare Circus yet, though.


First, DAMN! The one guy on these boards i would want most to crit my songs. Thanks Ailes, you have officially fulfilled my dreams.
Next, yeah it was nightmare cinema. haha and yeah thats dream theater.. I dont know if the prize is right for you. I was going to crit all of someones work to the smallest detail. But you seem good off on your own. Unless you do want me to crit all of your work with careful detail, is there any favor i can do for you?

and maybe it doesn't excite me that much because of the midi-effect (Lots of songs, that are actually good in real, sound boring in midi... especially the lack of (screaming) vocals can be responsible).


Yup, it sounds a ****load better in real life, and RSE does not do it justice either. And what would you think about not vocals in the verse (generic screaming), but background screaming during the chorus? i would still have vocals in the verse though.

+ I loved the keyboard, and the harmony on the solo.

Well thank you Nem. My favorite part too. I dont know if you noticed.. but the keyboard is vocals. whatever if its still good.

- The tempochanges man, you need to work on those.


i actually tried to make these better than they were when this piece was rough. Some are for effect, like in the solo, the drums carries the tempo over so i dont think theres anything wrong with that. and in the second prechorus, when it does that small chord before the first chorus but tricks you and goes back to the prechorus once more, is also for effect. kinda like....BAM what were you expecting, listener? you know?
My Metal (gp5) Songs


Quote by iimjpii

Quote by TEK34
A PE teachers got a shotput in the side of the dead


Head + dead = dead?
#6
hah, no I don't really have any stuff to crit. I'm more of a guitar teacher than a composer anyway (you know how it goes: those who can do, do, those who can't do...), and the stuff I compose are mainly little lesson-songs to give students material, not for my serious musical expression.
I never really uploaded any of them here.
When I see some interesting stuff I could remix (and inspiration strikes me) I uploaded some of that
- for example: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=801609
(A recording of it can be found in my UG profile player, just go on "show all mp3s" and play "metalcore")

I don't have any favor to ask. If at all, it would be to hear more good music, so keep composing!


Now as for your specific song here, I do wish I could give one of my trademarked longer rundowns, but often when a composer is at a particular skill level and the song still doesn't excite me too much, there's nothing you can do, as it all comes down to personal taste.

Definetly do keep the chorus melody though, it adds to the ominous menacing atmosphere.
I guess my problem with the piece is that the verse riff doesn't do much for me... but again, if you like it, I'm not one to impose. However, if you want to try something:
Verse 1, starting from bar 14. Delete the second guitar part that has been playing now since the beginning and focus on the stuff that guitar 1 plays alone. Maybe cut out some of the oddtime meters and play it straight. Fill up the pauses with pm chuggs. Have a straight 16th doublekick pattern underneat with the snare on every quarternote. This would do for a forwardpushing riff and break up the dynamics from the meandering beginning riff. Don't be afraid, if you like that riff you can always bring it back later.

Anyways, hey there's no excuse not to include bass. If you are really lazy and just want a quick way to let it do the rootnote mirroring, do this:
Make a new guitar track, and copy the guitar rhythm stuff into it. On every chord delete all notes but the rootnote. Now open track parameters and set the string tuning one octave lower. Voila, basstrack
#7
I love the intro, feels very thought out. The song as a whole feels like solid work, but I got some gripes with it: the pre-chorus to chorus transition (the rallentando) feels kind of lame, not to say too much of a moodbreaker.

Also, the soloing feels like it drags on a bit too much, you might want to shorten the pre-solo or w/e starting in 112, and possibly make the main solo a little more intresting - it's nice but simply doesn't feel memorable right now.

One final thing is that I think you should work on the transitions quite a bit, some of them feel kind of weak.
#8
I liked your riffs in the verse, but I thought they were kind of getting lost after a while. It seemed like you were using the constant time changes as a way to kind of spice up what is otherwise straight 16th notes. They also really didn't offer anything memorable.

I liked the few little Pantera'isms' that you threw in time to time, it really helped break up the monotony of the endless 16th riffs.

The transitions between verse, pre-chorus and chorus and back again were all awkward sounding, I didn't really think the pre-chorus worked at all.

The chorus was great. The guitar lines were powerful and memorable and the vocals added a really good melody to the whole thing.

Bridge riff was very cool too, the last two bars were a little stock sounding, but the rest was great.

The solo wankage really didn't do much for me. It just seemed kind of random and pointless, but I guess that's the basic definition of wankage.

The Epic solo was great, I wouldn't quite call it epic, but as a whole it had good phrasing, good direction, and a good variation of technique the harmonizing at the end was also a really nice touch.
Last edited by icronic at Jan 25, 2009,