#1
I've never posted any lyrics on here before, but I've been browsing around and I'll be replying to others' posts as well. I'd like to know your opinions on this song. It doesn't sound quite finished to me, and the transitions aren't very well organized I guess, but it's one of the only lyrics I've written that I'm at least semi-proud of.

It's a mid-tempo acoustic song, the chords are C and F. I want to expand the chord and make a little more complicated but I can't figure out how. Any suggestions?

"Mama, what's that sound?
I've never heard anything like it before
It sounds so fresh, and new to me
That funky rhythm, and that sweet melody
Words that rhyme, words that flow
Fell in love with them like I did with you so

*quick little chord progression here* (C D F G)

Mama, what's that noise?
The noise that's making Pa cry like a little boy
Shots that shatter, and pause the laughter
Why are you so petrified?
Don't worry Mama, it's only music
Cause we're all gonna die anyway

Mama, Where art thou?
I can't find you anywhere
I'm all alone, and I'm scared
These men have me away from you
But I know we'll be together again
Someday soon"


Edit: Sorry about the title problem. Didn't read that stickied thread until just now. I just picked the main word used in the song but I don't like it as a permanent title.

Edit: Did it change the title name of "My First Post" to "Mama"? It says it here in the thread but not in the list of thread, for me at least.
Last edited by the glue man at Jan 11, 2009,
#2
Read the stickied post, as in, unless it is the title, dont post it, this will be reported and ultimatly closed


no report from me btw

and as for the song, ur the first person to actually post chords to it, for that i am very happy. as for your song, very well written....
#3
You could use F7 instead of F or both
Example: C-F-F7-C
Check out Dales songwriting video on UGTV it's very helpful
#4
I generally like it.

The first verse seems superficial compared to the others though - I like that it's starting out slow, but it feels more like the entire tone and purpose of the song shifts completely... I don't know.

Just my 50 cent.