#1
This is my song I wrote, intending it to be a soft rock song and I'm exceptionally pleased with it, can I have you're opinions please?

I Don’t Need You

We used to say we’d grow old and grey
Whatever happened to thoughts of yesterday?
It was all so perfect, all so clear
When will we know what happened here?
I just tell myself...

I don’t need you any more
Just a memory and nothing,
More so many words I need to say
Another chance just wasted away.

“Friends for life” were your words to me
Nothing but lies, makeup and deceit.
It was all so fake, just a joke
What was this to you? Just a hoax?
I just tell myself...

I don’t need you any more
Just a memory and nothing,
More so many words I need to say
Another chance just wasted away.

Top of the world crashing down on me
Sometimes I wish I was blind and couldn’t see
Nothing left to feed the habit now
Time to end this endless row (because)

I don’t need you any more
Just a memory and nothing,
More so many words I need to say
Another chance just wasted away.
I don’t need you now...
#3
it started off a little predictable in the first stanza but it picked up nicely. usually i find soft rock kind of boring but this has plenty of intresting lyrics and i think your audience will really like this one.

like i said my only problem was the first stanza, the line "whatever happened to thoughts of yesterday" seems a little overused nowadays but its not a major issue or anything.

good luck at your gig
if you want to crit mine its here
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1044485
Emerse your soul in love


You used to be alright What happened?


Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
#4
Thanks for the comment, I do agree with you about the first stanza and I'll think of something more inventive. Thanks and I'll check out yours now!
#5
Ok I've updated the first stanza, so here is the updated version


It was always you and never me
Sailor’s wife looking out at a tyrant sea
How did this ever happen to us? <-------- not sure 'bout these two lines...
Now you’re gone, who can I trust? <-------
I just tell myself...
#8
Quote by lee 31392
Ok I've updated the first stanza, so here is the updated version


It was always you and never me
Sailor’s wife looking out at a tyrant sea
How did this ever happen to us? <-------- not sure 'bout these two lines...
Now you’re gone, who can I trust? <-------
I just tell myself...



yeah i think that works pretty well. good job
Emerse your soul in love


You used to be alright What happened?


Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
#9
I really like the lyrics !^^ .. so touching ! ^^
ur update was nice too ^^ .. trust is what makes relationships so important , and including it in your writhing was so brilliant ! ^^
I'm looking forward to hear it as soon as u can !! ^^
Last edited by St.Đark at Jan 13, 2009,
#10
It was really good, nothing to complain about. My favourite thing about the lyrics is that most if not all people can relate to them one way or another, and I think it will go down really well with your audience.
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
09/03/2012
#11
Thanks so much everyone! I really appreciate it, this is my first ever song as well so I'm glad you all like it, made my day lol!
#12
Hey, thanks for your crit on mine.

I like this one even more than your other one. For your first song it's excellent. As has been commented before, it's pretty universal, it doesn't have any conceptual boundaries, so everyone will take their own meaning from it.

Personally though I preferred the first version, predictable or not. People like predictable .

Sometimes.
🙈 🙉 🙊
#13
lol thanks, personally I actually prefered the replacement 1st verse, I like the metaphor I used for a sailor's wife... but thanks for the crit, greatly appreciated
#16
It was really easy to hear the music with the lyrics. I also liked the original 1st part. It might of been predictible but it felt right.

More so many words I need to say

the words "More so many" sounds kinda out of whack.
#17
yeah I know, but the word "more" followed on from the previous line, I had something going and it was working in my head. I personally agreed with everyone else about the first verse and I now prefer the new one, thanks for the crit
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