#1
C4C. i havent been able to write a song in months so im a little rusty. i know its kind of cheesey but basicly all i want to know is, does it have enough redeemable qualities to make it a decent song.

its all acoustic, just a simple song you might write for a girl you like.



shes covered in stardust
igniting the air just like a flame
she moves like the wind
pulling me in and i cant get away
shes covered in stardust

im trapped in my mind
i look in her eyes and im fully engaged
im falling apart
she touches my heart and it breaks from its cage
shes covered in stardust

bridge(dont know if thats the right term cause theres no chorus)

and time wont forgive me
i need you to be with me
if heaven cant hold your soul
then i will, i wont let you go


shes covered in stardust
igniting the air just like a flame
she moves like the wind
pulling me in and i cant get away
shes covered in stardust
shes covered in stardust
Emerse your soul in love


You used to be alright What happened?


Yellow tigers crouched in jungles in her Dark Eyes .
#2
Quote by heavyairship


she moves like the wind
pulling me in and i cant get away
My only issue here, to me wind pushes not pulls. Maybe a play on gravity instead of wind, but, at the same time I like the way it gives the feeling of speed and I don't think you would want to lose that.



im trapped in my mind
i look in her eyes and im fully engaged
im falling apart
she touches my heart and it breaks from its cage
shes covered in stardust I think you over use this line. Works well in the other verses but think something different would work better here. Love this verse though!

bridge(dont know if thats the right term cause theres no chorus)

and time wont forgive me
i need you to be with me Not fond of the repetition of me
if heaven cant hold your soul
then i will, i wont let you go Bit cliche but works!


shes covered in stardust
igniting the air just like a flame
she moves like the wind
pulling me in and i cant get away
shes covered in stardust
shes covered in stardust



All in all I like it. Might be a bit short when put into song, have got another verse in you?

Sorry about a not great crit, i'm slowly deteriorating at work and need my bed
#3
Haha, there's a film called Stardust and it just so happens to be my favourite film! And i'm a 16 year old guy who loves heavy rock lol! Anyway as the song goes it is a bit short, maybe repeat the last verse? I like the fact that you haven't tried desparately to create a rhyming scheme, but in all I wouldn't say it's that cheesy but I like, put a nice chord sequence to it and maybe even a piano it'll sound good well done!
#4
Quote by heavyairship

she touches my heart and it breaks from its cage


Ooh i liked that line, very good
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