#1
Tell me how you like this song. It is about depression and suicide. Were not really an emo band but our bassist was feeling this at the time he started writing it.

"Into the Night"

Pursuing sanity
Was never an easy thing
Always feeling like
Something snapped tonight
I just can’t shake this off
The battle has been lost
I’ve been drowning in
My own selflessness

Sorry that I never said
Anything that I meant
Wish you would have known
That life’s a river and im a stone

I cant remain like this
falling into emptiness
With my conscious gone away
I choose to end this day
With my fear but with my pride
I'll drift into the night
Never knowing what to do
I’ll say goodbye to you

Tomorrow will never come
I’ll never see the rising son
I’ll never leave this room
for years now its been my tomb
My life has come and gone
Some things just can’t be won
So quick the days have past
This one will be the last

Sorry that I never said
Anything that I meant
Wish you would have known
That life’s a river and im a stone

I cant remain like this
falling into emptiness
With my conscious gone away
I choose to end this day
With my fear but with my pride
I'll drift into the night
Never knowing what to do
I’ll say goodbye to you

Cold metal on my head
Wishing for this to end
I cannot continue to suffer
because of you or any other
I grip the trigger tight
I just cant continue to fight
I take one last breath
As blood runs down my chest

Sorry that I never said
Anything that I meant
Wish you would have known
That life’s a river and im a stone

I can't remain like this
I fell into emptiness
With my conscious gone away
I chose to end this day
With my fear but with my pride
I drift into the night
Never knowing what to do
I said goodbye to you
#2
First off, tagging this as "emo" shows you have no understanding of the musical genre. I could go on a page long rant on this (and I have before) but I'll just stop it at saying that "emo" is genre of music with great bands like Cap'n Jazz and Texas is the Reason. These (and other original late 80's/early 90's emo bands) wrote lyrics about wide ranges of topics, and one that I don't hear covered by them is suicide. Bands like MCR and the like are not emo, though unfortunately they've been misconstrued as so.

Anyway, to avoid sounding like a genre bitch, this piece is really suffering from a combination of predictable rhymes and cliche images. Almost all the rhymes here are pretty forced, you need to avoid falling into the trap of writing a line, and then making an effort to have the next one rhyme. Just let your ideas flow out, the best rhymes are the ones that come to you naturally.

The imagery here is also fairly contrived and basic. Guns to the head, suicide, etc. are topics that have been done many times before, and this one doesn't make me any more interested than the last one I've heard. If you need to tread on ground that's been covered before, try to find a way to make it worth hearing. Add a new perspective or try to find a new phrase or metaphor that hasn't been explored instead of relying on basic or cliche imagery.

Hope this helps.