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#1
Tebow Skips Senior Season, Ascends Directly Into Heaven

MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a
national championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim Tebow announced that he would skip his senior season and ascend directly into heaven.

Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-
hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman
winner entered the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on
the podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters
fainted.

"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with
cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal
him."

"I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the
University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued.

"Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room.

"After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season
at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow
announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a
blinding white light and vanished.

In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long
tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will
feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's
childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find
the "most Tebow-like" person in America.

"He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history,"
said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming
down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk
on earth."
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#3
I think you're confusing him with Jesus, who is often confused with Allah, who is often confused with a cardboard box.
"Perception of Balance " - My album.

"Run away from the ending road, the desolate cold, and the broken home."
#5
who?
Quote by Immortal_Guitar
ExiledSoul, you have just won the Best UG Liar award. Thanks for participating with your incredible dumbassery and lies.


Quote by gsr2k6
I have a turd with a carrot stuck in it. Its the GREATEST pet ever, makes quite the mess though.
#6
College Football is terrible, give it up.
Here's what the critics are saying about Hanzi_G:

Quote by SteveHouse
Hanzi_G = god damned prophet.

SIG ME GODDAMMIT
#7
Quote by Hanzi_G
Pro Football is terrible, give it up.

Fixed, bad mistake there.

Also, Tebow lol
#9
he wouldnt get drafted as a QB he had no choice but to go back to Fla. he will go pro but just like a Cordell Stewart or Ryan Leaf he will have a very short pro career. Great news for Gator fans though
Im gonna pistol whip the next guy that says shenanigans !!!!
#11
Quote by exiledsoul
who?

I am shocked. Go dig a hole, and bury yourself alive.



This is the almighty Tim Tebow before his ascension, we do not know what he looks like now, but I bet it is something awesome.
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#13
Quote by Hanzi_G
American Football is terrible, give it up.



Fixed.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#15
Nevermind, this is Tebow after his ascension to heaven. Apparently he grew hair.

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#16
tebow has terrible footwork at scrambling QB's don't do very well in the NFL. but i don't like bradford either though. stafford is gonna tear it up in the NFL.
#17
TS is an asshole and a troll. dude obviously posted this to get christians to argue with him about this blasphemy. cause i took offense to that, but i take everything personally, so if its just me, then by all means continue. if not, take it to the religion thread, dammit.
KLH & KGB
11/28/09
#18
Quote by Hanzi_G
Virginity is terrible, give it up to me.

fixed

on topic: Tebow is a monster hes like Jared Lorenzen, ok i exaggerated, alittle.
Quote by nincompoop
potcorn56, you are a god.
#19
Quote by KGB_INC
TS is an asshole and a troll. dude obviously posted this to get christians to argue with him about this blasphemy. cause i took offense to that, but i take everything personally, so if its just me, then by all means continue. if not, take it to the religion thread, dammit.

I posted it because I thought it was funny. Not to offend any one.
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#20
Quote by msuspartan
I posted it because I thought it was funny. Not to offend any one.


well to an extent, it was. but i got to thinking about it, i thought you were mocking him because of his religion and how he announced his belief to those watching.


but seeing as how you aren't, its all good
KLH & KGB
11/28/09
#21
He posted it because the sports announcers during the game made comments like

"Anyone who spends even just a few minutes with Tim Tebow would become a better person"

after a penalty he recieved

"Thats probably the first thing he has ever done wrong"

during first quarter

"Best qb in college football ever"

that ofcourse was before 2 interceptions

then they ended the game with saying

"Best qb in college football ever"

even though his stats were only mediocre...


he sucks at a qb but hed make a hell of a fullback
Quote by Bubonic Chronic
With boys it's like "here's an incredibly complex sport to learn with sophisticated rules and various interdependent roles to play in a social unit."

For girls it's like "here's Barbie...you're fat!"
#22
K. Could someone explain to me what the fuck is going on plz?
The will be heartache,
there will be rain,
and joy I can't explain.
#23
Quote by titsmcgee852
K. Could someone explain to me what the fuck is going on plz?

Tim Tebow is whats going on.
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#24
tebow is a third round QB at best but will propably be drafted in the first. bradford has an arm like a girl and stafford blows both of them out of the water. tebow who?
#27
Quote by msuspartan
I am shocked. Go dig a hole, and bury yourself alive.



This is the almighty Tim Tebow before his ascension, we do not know what he looks like now, but I bet it is something awesome.


CFL>>>Any American Football
Quote by Immortal_Guitar
ExiledSoul, you have just won the Best UG Liar award. Thanks for participating with your incredible dumbassery and lies.


Quote by gsr2k6
I have a turd with a carrot stuck in it. Its the GREATEST pet ever, makes quite the mess though.
#28
Hhahaha thank you sir you don't know how much I was thinking that same thing. LoL I thought that the announcer was going to fap to tebow lol.
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Quote by Survivalism
Nobody knows the words to Evenflow, they all just go "bramamamamamamamamaamamamabooowwllofcornflakes"
#29
Hahahahhaha!!

I'm wishing with all my might for the following headline: "Tim Tebow arrested in Miami motel with 2 teen male prostitutes and a kilo of heroin."

<sigh>
#30
I didnt mind tim Tebow before I heard the announcers licking his nuts for a solid 3 hours...

give the guy props he is the only quarterback that will lower a shoulder and plow through some safetys and corners...
Quote by Bubonic Chronic
With boys it's like "here's an incredibly complex sport to learn with sophisticated rules and various interdependent roles to play in a social unit."

For girls it's like "here's Barbie...you're fat!"
#31
Quote by exiledsoul
CFL>>>Any American Football



Good for you, cause that is where Tim Tebow will end up. Double Win!
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#32
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np6jmBlK1MA


eric crouch


watch some of his highlights... tebow doesnt even come close to his greatness and eric crouch was only mediocre compared to some of the real greats...
Quote by Bubonic Chronic
With boys it's like "here's an incredibly complex sport to learn with sophisticated rules and various interdependent roles to play in a social unit."

For girls it's like "here's Barbie...you're fat!"
#33
Quote by TunerAddict
Quote by Hanzi_G
Feet are terrible.

Fixed.



Fixed
<Han> I love Hitler
#34
Quote by Opethfan1
he wouldnt get drafted as a QB he had no choice but to go back to Fla. he will go pro but just like a Cordell Stewart or Ryan Leaf he will have a very short pro career. Great news for Gator fans though


the voice of reason
#35
I would be very thankful if I never had to see Tim Tebow ever again. He's got his head so far up his own ass, he's still sh*tting out braces from when he was 13. Here's how I imagine he introduces himself to people...

"Hi, I'm Tebow. A football-playing braing surgeon/astronaut. I find therapy in teaching Ethiopian kids how to read in my spare time between studying for my finals and writing fan-fiction about myself."
#36
Quote by exiledsoul
CFL>>>Any American Football

How so?
Banging on a trash can
Drumming on a street light
#37
Quote by HaKattack
Fixed



How does that even make sense?
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#38
Quote by TunerAddict
How does that even make sense?



Just think about it.
<Han> I love Hitler
#39
Quote by dannyniceboy
I didnt mind tim Tebow before I heard the announcers licking his nuts for a solid 3 hours...

give the guy props he is the only quarterback that will lower a shoulder and plow through some safetys and corners...

Jake Locker will!


...but that's because no one else on the team can do anything.


...and it caused him to break his thumb and miss most of the season.







kill all humans
#40
Quote by dannyniceboy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np6jmBlK1MA


eric crouch


watch some of his highlights... tebow doesnt even come close to his greatness and eric crouch was only mediocre compared to some of the real greats...

Eric Crouch also failed in the NFL. And another difference is, Tim Tebow isn't the only star on his team offensively.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=vlf3CBULOw0


Quote by exiledsoul
CFL>>>Any American Football


Thats why no CFL team could even beat the Detroit Lions? And its also where all of the people fail in the NFL go.

American Football>>>> Canada
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Last edited by msuspartan at Jan 13, 2009,
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