#1
I waited outside, the lonesome street where you reside
And I can’t abide, the way you ignored me and hurt my pride
When you swept me aside, oh that night I could have died.

You brush aside this newcomer and run away with a builder or a plumber
Hot and bothered in this Indian summer, you could be the Mick Jones to my Joe Strummer.

Well, maybe not like that, now I feel like such… a tw*t
The corner I’m standing at, white tie, tails and top hat
For all my jealous chat, in my hand a cricket bat.

Maybe it’s just me, but he’s self obsessed and bourgeoisie
Though only she, has got the key for this detainee.
I can guarantee, he’ll take you away from where you need to be.

What has he got
That I have not?
Apart from the money and the fancy yacht.
Well my dear I could take you away
And we could stay there forever and a day.

Stone cold hands of mine, can’t make the stars align
I fill myself with wine, but one too many? I decline.
How we could intertwine and I could sing of whispering pines.

And so
I know
Your sweet goodbye and your soft hello
We lie in bed
and think of things better left unsaid.

All I ever wanted
Was to feel your touch
To feel how much
I needed you.


I've already got the chord sequence and verse, chorus, bridge etc. down. Which might be why some of the lyrics may sound a little forced. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Half Iago, half Fu Manchu, all bastard.
#2
Quote by justsam
I waited outside, the lonesome street where you reside
And I can’t abide, the way you ignored me and hurt my pride
When you swept me aside, oh that night I could have died.
good

You brush aside this newcomer and run away with a builder or a plumber
Hot and bothered in this Indian summer, you could be the Mick Jones to my Joe Strummer.
"run away" that line is very confusing. this stanza is weaker than the first

Well, maybe not like that, now I feel like such… a tw*t
The corner I’m standing at, white tie, tails and top hat
For all my jealous chat, in my hand a cricket bat.
woah. i have no clue whats going on here at all. im lost. it looks right cause you seem to add the commas to show the breaks but i still feel lost but its probably seems like this cause the lyrics are read

Maybe it’s just me, but he’s self obsessed and bourgeoisie
Though only she, has got the key for this detainee.
I can guarantee, he’ll take you away from where you need to be.
it says that the word "bourgeoisie" is a noun. this part feels very very forced.

What has he got
That I have not?
Apart from the money and the fancy yacht.
Well my dear I could take you away
And we could stay there forever and a day.
"forever and a day" that line is sketchy... but otherwise well flowing again and strong

Stone cold hands of mine, can’t make the stars align
I fill myself with wine, but one too many? I decline.
How we could intertwine and I could sing of whispering pines.
feels forced to me. not making much sense. like the idea of it if you are trying to refer to star cross lovers. the first line feels good to me but i think 'could" should go in front of the word "we".and get rid of "I decide" because it is unnecessary

And so
I know
Your sweet goodbye and your soft hello
We lie in bed
and think of things better left unsaid.

All I ever wanted
Was to feel your touch
To feel how much
I needed you.

i think the outro was pretty good. i cant really say much about this.

I've already got the chord sequence and verse, chorus, bridge etc. down. Which might be why some of the lyrics may sound a little forced. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


i think this was okay. it seemed to forced in some areas. when you have already written the music. wrap the lyrics around the song. just make it fit easy. dont stress to get lyrics pumped out quickly. it doesnt always work that way.
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