#1
Here's another song i wrote. i am not sure about all parts especially the ending. i hope you enjoy it and i'd like to hear your comments.

Education Inc.

It's four past three
he just came home
mom and dad at work
he's all alone
he knows whats ahead
he's been there before
but oh boy
he's wrong

it's six o'clock
he hears a car outside
he's feeling a bit nervous
as he's trying to hide
wondering what he's going to say
he tried so hard
but he didn't get another A


stop building this pressure
i can't live up to your needs
Stop these dramatic measures
i don't want to live your dreams
in this education factory of society

It's eight o'clock
his dad got home
the boy is still in his room
waiting for time to be gone
he's hoping they just wont find out
so he could live his life
and his parents would be proud


stop building this pressure
i can't live up to your needs
Stop these dramatic measures
i don't want to live your dreams
in this education factory of society

The next morning the boy wasnt at school
i geuss his parents found out
he'll be back again soon
But than theres a voice sceaming
''don't do it, get off''
we all ran to see what's going on
the last thing i remember
is him standing on the edge
but i can't recall,
did this end up wrong?
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
-Digitech Bad Monkey
-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7
#2
I think it's a cool subject you wrote about, and I think it's good it builds up to the end, however


so he could live his life
and his parents would be proud


Why would his parents be proud if he didn't get grades? :P
Quote by imdeth
Penises look much better than vaginas in my opinion. A vagina looks like an axe wound.
#3
he'll be getting he grades. he just wont tell that grade that was lower than an A. maybe it's not that clear in the text tough xD but thanks for the comment
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
-Digitech Bad Monkey
-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7
Last edited by Trecion at Jan 14, 2009,
#4
I like all of it, the subject especially. The chorus is my fav though, I would suggest if using a rhyme scheme, then keep that rhyme scheme all the way through and don't just scrap it at parts, I love this song though, cuz I've just literally finished one with a very similar meaning to this, I hadn't even read this before I started to write lol! Check it out, it's called Someone Else's Eyes nice work
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
#5
thanks. gonna check out your song
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
-Digitech Bad Monkey
-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7