#1
Someone Else’s Eyes

Leading us through the a non existent fight
Guiding us through the restless nights
Is this really you? How can I tell?
When you keep me in your heart-like shell

This is life through someone else’s eyes
It plays out differently now, hearing all the lies
This is life through someone else’s eyes
Stop living behind these lies

Homeless and broken on the streets tonight
Don’t worry it’s his fault, you’re right
Not even a second thought given
Is this really a life worth living?

This is life through someone else’s eyes
It plays out differently now, hearing all the lies
This is life through someone else’s eyes
Stop living behind these lies

She’s hardly four but do they seem to care
Kicking, punching, pulling her hair
Her daddy doesn’t love her no more
He shouts at her with an angry roar

This is life through someone else’s eyes
It plays out differently now, hearing all the lies
This is life through someone else’s eyes
Stop living behind these lies

Take a look at your life, what have you lost?
Waking up to a morning frost
Don’t hide away from the growing pain
Imagine life in the cold and rain

This is life through someone else’s eyes
It plays out differently now, hearing all the lies
This is life through someone else’s eyes
Stop living behind these lies

This is life through someone else’s eyes
It plays out differently now, hearing all the lies
This is life through someone else’s eyes
Stop living behind these lies

Please don't comment on the rhyme scheme unless you really hate it lol. It's how I write my songs, that's just my own style I guess. This song is going to be played on an acoustic slowly. Crit4crit as always thanks
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
Last edited by lee 31392 at Jan 14, 2009,
#2
This is life through someone else’s eyes
It plays out differently now, hearing all the lies
This is life through someone else’s eyes
Stop living behind these lies
seems a little repititive if you could maybe make one more chorus or whatever you wanna call it it would sound better
#3
i agree with morello. maybe it's better to use a chorus after two verses. that would make it less repetitive. but for the rest, i like the song.
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
-Digitech Bad Monkey
-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7
#4
Thanks for the comments, but if the song is played and sung slowly, it won't sound as repetitive, but I understand what you're saying, thanks for the crit, both of you
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
#5
NP, let me know if you ever make a recorded version. would love to hear it how it is meant to be.
Gear

-Schecter Tempest Custom
-Ibanez EW20WNE-NT
-Digitech Bad Monkey
-Boss TU-3
-Boss NS-2
-ibanez PM7
#6
haha to be honest, they're just lyrics at the mo, I haven't got a beat or rhythm yet so there's no music, but there will be, I'm better at writing lyrics than I am coming up with music
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
#7
This is well written. I like how each stanza tells a story and shows different perspectives about life.

Good work and thanks for commenting on mine. I'll check out your other two later.
Quote by Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!


Do you folks like folk?
#8
The song is good but i think the chorus really lets it down to be honest. I think the repetition of lies could stand being changed (maybe the whole 4th line of the chorus).
Then one other thing that really stood out to me was this rhyme
'Homeless and broken on the streets tonight
Don’t worry it’s his fault, you’re right'
I hate the rhyme to be honest.
I dont usually like poems/songs that rhyme but i think you've pulled it off quite well.
#9
Just to let everyone know the line "...Don't worry it's his fault, you're right..."
was meant to be "Don't worry, it's his fault, you're always right..." Just to add slight sarcasm into it. I know people don't like the rhyming scheme but it's how I write, and if I've pulled it off quite well (thanks by the way) there's no problem, thanks for the crit everyone
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
#10
Meh, that first line, with the non-existent fight? Doesn't say much.. if anything, to be honest. Check the grammer and I'll re-read.
Once We Were Anarchists
#11
I see the "the" in the first line, that's just a typo, anyway, thanks for everyone's opinions but I think I'm gunna keep it as it is, I'm happy with it, thanks everyone!
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
#12
This is a pretty solid song, man.

It felt like life was repeated a little too much and was cluttering it though...

This was a good run at an idea. I'd like to see you try to make something a little more tangible. It's harder to get into something like this where as imagery and story telling bring readers/listeners along with you.

Not bad though
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me