#1
evenin all, ive got a vocal-less demo up at www.myspace.com/slic****ingriot, but i'd like some feedback on the lyrics, as theyre kinda more catchy in this song than the riffs, before i get the vox recorded. i invisaged a kinda paul stanley-come-sebastian bach singing... its basic 80s sexmetal. V3 is a little lame, but i think the rest holds up kinda well. peace!

(ok, this is annoying... my website does indeed have a swearword in it.... so if you wanna hear it, its the F one...)


<Drum / Guitar Intro>

V1:
On my own again, outa the blue;
dunno what im gonna do;
something foxy caught my eye;
she's a stunner, my-oh-my;

V2:
She's got, shirt cut to the shoulders;
skirt way up the knee;
neck cut to me feelin guilty;
she's only seventeen;

Ch:
Shes a brunette in her little black dress;
heart's thumpin, my head is a mess;
brunette, little black dress;
sellin something to knock out the rest;

<Mini-solo>

V3:
Other guys are eyin foxy up;
but she wants me to dance n there it wont stop;
back to mine for an evenin of fun;
she needs her teacher one-on-one;

Bridge:
Sleep tight, sweetheart;
when i make love my love is an art;

<Ch>

<Epic solo>

<Ch x2>
Last edited by liam177lewis at Jan 14, 2009,
#2
Unless you're AC/DC or ZZ Top, I'd change the lyrics.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#3
I think lyrics are very well written actually, I really enjoyed it, the only thing I would change would be the bridge, I don't like it but the rest is good, please crit mine, see sig
I defecate all over my clothes to get extra protected
Roses are Red
Violets are Bitchin
God Dammit Woman
Get Back in the Kitchen
#4
Interesting lyrics I quite like them. Of course I think if the lyrics were put into an Airborne or AC DC then it would sound the best but i really enjoyed reading them, i especially love the chorus..... its got a kind of Girls In Black by Airborne fell
#5
I really enjoyed reading it (:
the only thing that doesn't really fit would be the bridge though. It sounds a bit off.
#6
Quote by strat0blaster
Unless you're AC/DC or ZZ Top, I'd change the lyrics.


yeah, fortunately theyre my 2 favourite bands lol, so its all good :P


and yeah, the idea behind the chorus is kinda a massive drop in tempo. like the random quiet bit in Girls Girls Girls. works better when the songs playing, i assure you.

many thanks guys, any more feedback is much appreciated
#7
you know what i like about this song?
it's unashamedly about sex. it's trashy, doesn't have substance, and isn't artsy. it's easy to understand. everyone can relate to liking sex
no, seriously, i like it. it's refreshing