#1
plz comment/critique C4C...heres a song about not taking chances in life hope ya enjoy

THE SEEDS NEVER SOWN
VERSE 1

Two roads diverged in a wood
I'd take em both if only I could
Gotta take the one less traveled by
Even if I don't I can always lie
All these people say I just don't care
By they don't know me; my life's not theirs
Never took that chance to lay it all on the line
And until I do I will never shine

CHORUS

The seeds never sown
The grass never grown
The roads never taken
The hearts never breaking
The seeds never sown
The grass never grown
I haven't found my way
But maybe someday...

VERSE 2

Was taught to always keep my eyes on the prize
But that's hard to do when it's not even in sight
I don't know the answer if I don't know the question
I need some kinda lifeline; some knd of suggestion
Got a lot goin' through my always busy mind
Wishing I could go back and hit rewind
All the talent in the world and as sharp as a knife
But still haven't made one thing outta this life

BRIDGE (CREATION IN PROGRESS

Thx guys check out my oter songs too and ill C4C them too thx
Last edited by Lead Guitar23 at Jun 3, 2009,
#2
A liked this a lot. What kind of music is it for?

But, a few "complaints":

As you yourself realised, the bridge is...too generic. The rhymes of you and do have been beaten to a pulp by lyricists thoughout history.

The line "All the talent in the world and sharp as a knife" sounds a bit too long, maybe cut out a few syllables.

Apart from that, good job. If you want to C4C mine, it's called "Stealing the Fire", it's on page 2 I think.
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#3
Quote by Lead Guitar23
plz comment/critique C4C...heres a song about not taking chances in life hope ya enjoy

THE SEEDS NEVER SOWN
VERSE 1

Two roads diverged in a wood
I'd take em both if only I could
Gotta take the one less traveled by
Even if I don't I can always lie
All these people say I just don't care
By they don't know me; my life's not theirs
Never took that chance to lay it all on the line
And until I do I will never shine
i can always lie is vague to me. not sure what your saying. otherwise good

CHORUS

The seeds never sown
The grass never grown
The roads never taken
The hearts never breaking
The seeds never sown
The grass never grown
I haven't found my way
But maybe someday...
i personally i think rhyming sown and grown together sounds funny.

VERSE 2

Was taught to always keep my eyes on the prize
But that's hard to do when it's not even in sight
I don't know the answer if I don't know the question
I need some kinda lifeline; some kind of suggestion
Got a lot goin' through my always busy mind
Wishing I could go back and hit rewind
All the talent in the world and as sharp as a knife
But still haven't made one thing outta this life
"knd" to "kind" i like this stanza alot. i think its strong and the last line is a great transition

BRIDGE (worst part of song)

Gonna make something outta my daily existence
I'ma do it all with no resistance
Sick of just writing about what I'm gonna do
Gonna take some action just to show all of you
as you said. it is the worst part. just play with the idea. and make it work. you were forcing an ending. just let the ending flow.

Thx guys check out my other songs too and ill C4C them too thx


i thought it was good. i think it could be better by correcting the parts certain comments i left. and you should work on the bridge for sure.

look in my sig for song.
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#5
Quote by entity0009
A liked this a lot. What kind of music is it for?

But, a few "complaints":

As you yourself realised, the bridge is...too generic. The rhymes of you and do have been beaten to a pulp by lyricists thoughout history.

The line "All the talent in the world and sharp as a knife" sounds a bit too long, maybe cut out a few syllables.

Apart from that, good job. If you want to C4C mine, it's called "Stealing the Fire", it's on page 2 I think.


hey thanks a lot entity that means a lot to me hearing that you guys like it:

yes i did force the bridge i was actly a little pressed for time when i wrote this but i will definitely rewrite it bcuz i like the idea of the song. thanks for taking the time. i really appreciate it
#6
Quote by matosh.lee
i thought it was good. i think it could be better by correcting the parts certain comments i left. and you should work on the bridge for sure.

look in my sig for song.


hey thanks a lot matosh.lee. this was a great crit:

i agree that the bridge is teh worst part as well and other than the wrong spelling of the word "kind" lol, the 2nd verse is the best. thank you very much and i will look at ur song
#7
Quote by therealtater
its all a little genric honestly but it is still very good thank you for criting my song btw


thx and no problem
#8
its good to me it seems like a folk rock kinda song but the rhyming of sown and grown sounds weird to me and and maybe repeat the chorus at the end cause the way
I haven't found my way
But maybe someday...
would sound at the end would work real good onsomething like this
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I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#9
its good to me it seems like a folk rock kinda song but the rhyming of sown and grown sounds weird to me and and maybe repeat the chorus at the end cause the way
I haven't found my way
But maybe someday...
would sound at the end would work real good on something like this
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
#10
Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
its good to me it seems like a folk rock kinda song but the rhyming of sown and grown sounds weird to me and and maybe repeat the chorus at the end cause the way
I haven't found my way
But maybe someday...
would sound at the end would work real good on something like this



hey man thanks thats a great idea i think ill have to do that when i do play this song thanks
#11
i can see this working as a folky song as well. No major problems, specifically. It was kind of something that we've all heard before though, you know? Like if you would work to make it more personal and believable rather than just talking about an idea like this, it would be much more enjoyable.


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#12
Quote by jiminizzle
i can see this working as a folky song as well. No major problems, specifically. It was kind of something that we've all heard before though, you know? Like if you would work to make it more personal and believable rather than just talking about an idea like this, it would be much more enjoyable.




yea i guess i see wat u mean thanks for takin the time man appreciate it keep comments comin guys i am so thankful for wat u guys r sayin...good or bad