#1
Hey guys, I'm having a little issue with my band, and I guess it's a question moreover. We've been a band for a little over a year, been playing shows for about 2 months now. We're fairly tight musically, and have very few arguments at practice or over band issues. However, we're not a very tight band in terms of people. I see all these local bands and they're all very close friends, love to be hanging out together, etc. I don't think it's harming our chemistry just yet, but I feel if we can fix it we'll become much tighter musically speaking. We don't hate each other, we just don't hang out outside of practice. The drummer doesn't really like to hang out with any of us, the bassist and me are pretty good pals, the guitarist and me are pretty close, and the bassist and guitarist don't really talk to each other outside of practice.

I love my band and the guys in it to death, and I'd hang out with them in a heartbeat, but they just don't feel the same way. Does anyone have some advice on how I can get the band to become closer as people and as friends? I'm not trying to become best friends with them, but I think it'll work wonders for our synergy and whatnot.

Also, do you think that staying like we are now will eventually hinder our progression? Are most bands like this?

Thanks for any help,
Ben
Ben
#3
Quote by scguitarking927
why not after a practice, just say hey lets go out, grab dinner and go blow some **** up

or if ya'll are old enough, go to a bar after practice.



+1

Check a movie, grab lunch.
#4
Drink together... It worked for me XD
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#6
Hang out, talk about other stuff besides music.
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#7
the drinking definately works better than anything else, i hate to say it, but alcohol does wonders for people together, it makes it more of an experience, and of course if anyone has any good bud... but it is best to have it after practice, that way everyone's there, and you're all already having a decent time...
#8
Ya man my band is like this. the singer, rhythm guitar and bass are close friends, and still good freinds of mine, but those three are seperate from me and my brother, the drummer.
#9
Sorry guys, we're 16, bars won't work.

See that's the problem, I want to be able to say "let's go to a movie" or "let's just hang out" or something, but they don't want to in the first place. I seem to be stuck :/
Ben
#10
If it's really an issue, break up the band. If you guys don't get along personally, imagine what living together in a van for months at a time will do to you.
#11
If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.
You seem to all get along perfectly well within the band and crave your own personal space outside of the band, which is actualy quite healthy. It's the same as not wanting to hang out with your workmates because you spend all damn day with them.
Although as koslack mentions, most bands at some point or another are required tp spend quite a lot of time locked up in a van or a studio or whatever together, but the band not naturaly hanging out together can actualy improve this situation. Because they don't normaly constantly hang out together, being in this situation is more of a novelty than a continuation of hanging out together, rather than bug each other, people tend to find their own space. Even in the back of a van, they tend to zone everyone else out and read a book or sleep or whatever while travelling.
#12
why not after a practice, just say hey lets go out, grab dinner and go blow some **** up


This.
#13
Being in a band with your friends can be like being married to the other members.

Not saying this is always true but too much time with people in relatively stressful circumstances can create tensions.
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#14
Quote by SlackerBabbath
If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.
You seem to all get along perfectly well within the band and crave your own personal space outside of the band, which is actualy quite healthy. It's the same as not wanting to hang out with your workmates because you spend all damn day with them.
Although as koslack mentions, most bands at some point or another are required tp spend quite a lot of time locked up in a van or a studio or whatever together, but the band not naturaly hanging out together can actualy improve this situation. Because they don't normaly constantly hang out together, being in this situation is more of a novelty than a continuation of hanging out together, rather than bug each other, people tend to find their own space. Even in the back of a van, they tend to zone everyone else out and read a book or sleep or whatever while travelling.


I understand where you're coming from. I just feel like our chemistry could be so much better and we'd be a much better band I guess. So should I just leave things as they are and hope that we can survive like this?
Ben
#15
Quote by muffinman123192
I understand where you're coming from. I just feel like our chemistry could be so much better and we'd be a much better band I guess. So should I just leave things as they are and hope that we can survive like this?

Well I'm thinking that if they haven't started naturaly hanging out together after a whole year of being in a band together, then they probably never will, no matter what you try to do to bring them closer together. So trying to force them to act like they are all best buddies who can't get enough of each other might actualy do more harm than good.
So long as there is no obvious friction or animosity between any members then there's not really a problem, so talk of 'can we survive?' is probably over-reacting a teensy bit.
Possibly, as you get more and more gigs and your band starts getting more and more accustomed to all being together in the same place as a bar, and maybe start having a drink together after the show, then they might start to naturaly hang out together.
But if you suddenly start running 'team-building' weekends and nights out to 'get to know one another' then the band may start to think that there actualy really is a problem and act accordingly.

It's human nature. You can have two people working for the same company who totaly hate each other, but as long as they are professional enough and grown up enough, they can operate perfectly efficiently as a team because they both exude a kinda natural 'personal space' aura, each one kinda knows the boundries that they mustn't overstep, they don't 'bug' each other and instead simply find their own comfort zones and develop a non-confrontational way of dealing with each other and simply get on with whatever it is they are supposed to be doing.
But try and force these two guys to act like they are best buddies and you mess with human nature. Pretty soon they will really start to annoy each other and the sparks will start to fly.

My own band all treat each other as family, any one of use would drop everything to help any of the others out with a problem, just like any siblings would do, but have you ever seen how siblings usualy act with one another when there isn't a family crisis?
They tend to find their own crowds to hang with and only really meet at the family dinner table, either that or they fight all the time, it's quite rare to find siblings that would happily spend all their leisure time together once they get past their teens.
That doesn't mean they don't love each other, it doesn't mean they can't co-operate on a business project, it just means that they are intelligent enough to realise that if they spend too much leisure time together, they'll end up falling out.
So like I say, my band are tight, we treat each other as family, but we don't regularly go drinking (or any other passtime) together unless one of us is getting married or is having a birthday party or some other event that you'd normaly invite your close friends and family to. Even at one of our local gigs, we'll quite often all sit at seperate tables with our own wives, girlfriends and groups of friends, but we generaly all end up sitting together at the end of the night, especialy after a great gig.
Y'see it's that great gig that we've just played that brings us closer together as friends, even if it's just for an hour after the show, we pat each other on the back and say 'Great gig guys!' and for that moment are perfectly content in each other's company.
But that's a state of being that's taken a while for us to settle into, so I'd advise you to get a lot more gigs under your belt as a band. If you have a bad gig, pack up and go home at the end of the night and try not to let it bother you, (hey, we all have bad gigs occasionaly) if you have a good gig however, hang around a little and celebrate the gig together, that'll do far more to bring you together as friends than any purpously organised night out together.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jan 16, 2009,
#16
Try suggesting to the bassist and guitarist (I'm assuming here that you hang out with them each seperately outside the band) that during practice they just chat to each other (and the drummer) more during practice about...anything they're interested in, really.

Now, I was in a cover band a couple of years ago where we all turned up for practice, played the songs and really didn't do much talking about things that weren't the songs we were playing. I'm assuming your band is similar - if it's not, then obviously this entire post is just bollocks (except the very last bit, which is applicable anyway).

Before these guys are going to want to hang out together they're going to have to be comfortable with each other without the safety net of an instrument and most people are only comfortable being around people they feel they know fairly well. So get them talking, get them knowing each other.

But don't stress out over it. Like Slacker said - if it doesn't look like it's harming the band then it's not too much of a problem. Also - and please don't take this the wrong way, because it is not intended to sound dismissive - you're only 16. Although a lot of things you do now feel very important (I'm sure some of them are), you have a lot of time. If this band breaks up because the members can't get along outside practice, it's ok. You've still got a whole lot of life to play with.
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#19
^^
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#20
Thanks a lot guys, this really helped a bunch. Hopefully after some more gigs I'll report back and see if things have improved at all.

Thanks so much!
Ben
#21
I still think just going to get lunch after or before a practice would work, be like hey theres no food here lets go get something, even if its just MCdonalds....

.....or like i said

Just go blow **** up, b/c its fun and its something everyone can enjoy seriously, go get some artilerry shells(small ones), gasoline, tennis balls, and rackets and play some flaming tennis. Light the tennis balls up and throw in some artillery shells every once and a while lol, great fun.
#22
This guy sounds like a Pyromaniac/Pyrophile..........lol

If you think its necessary, the lunch suggestion is the best. Maybe grab a few beers or something, too if possible.

Don't do the weed. It's illegal and not good. From experience. I dont like it at all.

But yeah, just be cool with it. The after the gig moment will be your best bet i rckon and thats fine. The post-gig euphoria is awesome *reminiscing*

just my $0.02

db
#23
bring alcohol to rehearsal. friendship guaranteed
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#24
Quote by darthbuttchin
Don't do the weed. It's illegal and not good. From experience. I dont like it at all.


Do do the weed. It's illegal but very good. From experience. I like it a lot.

There, two people (one of whom I'm positive is not lying) telling this guy two completely opposite things. Now what? Well, he could always find out for himself (if he hasn't already)...

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“It’s not genius. It’s just that if you want something good to come out of something, you have to put in a lot of effort. That involves a lot of hard work, and a lot of blood, sweat and tears sometimes.”

http://urbanscarecrow.bandcamp.com/
#25
You could go see a local show together,or if you have a band you all like maybe a big concert (I know most people won't shell out $25-$45 to see somebody they don't like, but maybe for $5 you can just sit and chat about how ****ty the opening band was. Works every time for my band.)

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