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#1
Alright- time to pull up your pants ladies and attend this years awards ceremony for the Fap Olympics. We're gonna have to hope that people use the honor system here because this could be funny if true data is given..

2009 Motto : "Jerkin the Gherkin"

The Events :

Synchronized Fapping (aka Circle Jerk)

This award is a bit of a no brainer- I think Union-Jake has won this hands down- any challengers are welcome to attempt at the title with their performance, but like I said- this one is in the bag (no pun intended).


Marathon Session

Longest lifetime fap. I'd have to say I never really go longer than 5 minutes or so, unless it's one of those multiple days and I'm on number 5 or something.


Fap Relay

How many times in a day? Athletes are only permitted to count the faps that are still producing mangoo. No "I fapped 15 timess!1one lul." That would be definitely "dry shots" material.

Shadow Fap

Fapping along to a video in the privacy of your room and already looked for Pedobear and Ceiling Cat? Coast Clear? WRONG.

Little cousin Joey is petrified behind your bed watching his own personal holocaust.




Any other events can be added in to the Olympiad.


Now for the opening Ceremonies
#3
First! I didn't know SEGA was AGES backwards

edit:%#@$% you, ReadDeath9!
Quote by SlackerBabbath

I also have hairy butt cheeks, I once shaved a letter 'W' on each cheek, so that when I bent over it spelled WoW.

warning, some of the contents of this post may not necessarily be completely true.
Last edited by Pencil Man at Jan 14, 2009,
#5
I fapped for around 3 hours once before I gave up because I couldn't finish. I think it was probably because I was on massive painkillers at the time.

My thunderstick was actually swollen the next day. Not erect, but actually swollen and red and painful.

Do I win something?
kill all humans
#7
I think there should either be a separate women's competition or at least an equivalent rating system in the same competition.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#8
Quote by MeltingWaxFace

Where's Union Jake?
Did you know the odds of a Vault-Tec shelter failing are 1,763,497 to 1?

So imagine life in a Vault-Tec Vault. Not just a future.
A brighter future... underground.

Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
#11
Quote by vintage x metal
I think there should either be a separate women's competition or at least an equivalent rating system in the same competition.

Nobody's stopping you from starting the thread.

"Schlick Olympics 2009"

Do it.
kill all humans
#15
Quote by vintage x metal
I think there should either be a separate women's competition or at least an equivalent rating system in the same competition.



Agreed-

K..

The thought of it is making me feel the need for a fap. brb
#17
Quote by Skierinanutshel
it would still need a tagline....


>.>


yeah, i'm in a Pit mood right now

...Rubbin' the...nubbin?
kill all humans
#18
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
Agreed-

K..

The thought of it is making me feel the need for a fap. brb

God damn it.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#20
Take 2 eccedrin PMs and see if you can wack it before you fall asleep.
You always win.

Twistedit: Unless your mom walks in and finds you sleeping with your pants down, wang in full sight.
Last edited by Twist of fate at Jan 14, 2009,
#21
Organized masturbation? I officially can't mention that I go to the pit to real people now.
myspace.com/sidetrackedrock
myspace.com/scottkrausmusic

Quote by an epic mistake
Woah guys, this is actually the first post relevant to the thread in a LOOONG time. I applaud you Scotdizzle.


I found the damn sig thing!
#22
Quote by vintage x metal
I think there should either be a separate women's competition or at least an equivalent rating system in the same competition.

Intriguing.

I"ll challenge you, in whatever category of your choosing.
#23
Quote by Delanoir
Intriguing.

I"ll challenge you, in whatever category of your choosing.

Done. I can easily beat you in both marathon and relay. I guess it depends on the judgement though; I can't exactly 'shoot a blank'
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#25
Quote by mrcrono
I'm confused. What are we supposed to be doing in this thread again?



I think I speak for most of the Pit when I say

"To hear about how you banged Jenna Fischer."

#27
union jake takes the cake
Tampa Bay Buccaneers

South Carolina Gamecocks

Quote by SGstriker
Chef Strato-Massacre: Cooking shitstorms since that comment.

Quote by PurpleClawz
Damnit why are you full of so much win
#28
This is amazing.
Finally, a compitition of something that i'm good at!
(\__|)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain World Domination.

92% of teenagers have moved on to rap. Sig this if you think most new popular music sucks.
#29
Quote by vintage x metal
Done. I can easily beat you in both marathon and relay. I guess it depends on the judgement though; I can't exactly 'shoot a blank'


Haha, girls do have the unfair natural advantage. I guess it's what you get in recompense for childbirth.

So I guess that definitely puts relay out, but I'd be willing to try you on Marathon anyway, unless you propose an idea for Synchronized.
#30
I can do the marathon one, for sure.
Her friends are gazing on her,
And on her gaudy bier,
And weep!-oh! to dishonor
Dead beauty with a tear!
They loved her for her wealth-
And they hated her for her pride-
But she grew in feeble health,
And they love her-that she died.
#31
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
I think I speak for most of the Pit when I say

"To hear about how you banged Jenna Fischer."


I know we don't want to hear about Meryl Streep.
Quote by SlackerBabbath

I also have hairy butt cheeks, I once shaved a letter 'W' on each cheek, so that when I bent over it spelled WoW.

warning, some of the contents of this post may not necessarily be completely true.
#32
Quote by Delanoir
Haha, girls do have the unfair natural advantage. I guess it's what you get in recompense for childbirth.

So I guess that definitely puts relay out, but I'd be willing to try you on Marathon anyway, unless you propose an idea for Synchronized.

Yeah, really. I'm not sure whether the effect is worth the cause

It doesn't necessarily put relay out, there just needs to be some kind of jurisdiction on what counts and what doesn't. Marathon is an easy possibility. Synchronized.. well.. er..
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#34
Quote by alaskan_ninja
I fapped for around 3 hours once before I gave up because I couldn't finish. I think it was probably because I was on massive painkillers at the time.

My thunderstick was actually swollen the next day. Not erect, but actually swollen and red and painful.

Do I win something?



You win the Marathon event hands down.

Quote by maggot9779
I can go for hours



Edit : a challenger appears...
Last edited by MeltingWaxFace at Jan 14, 2009,
#35
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
You win the Marathon event hands down.

Nah, I still think I can beat him.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#37
Quote by MeltingWaxFace
You win the Marathon event hands down.

Yay!!! I will wear my title with pride.

Quote by vintage x metal
Nah, I still think I can beat him.

I thought you women got your own competition

But if you insist, we can always settle this. Head to head.


>.>


<.<
kill all humans
Last edited by alaskan_ninja at Jan 14, 2009,
#38
Quote by vintage x metal
Yeah, really. I'm not sure whether the effect is worth the cause

It doesn't necessarily put relay out, there just needs to be some kind of jurisdiction on what counts and what doesn't. Marathon is an easy possibility. Synchronized.. well.. er..

It is in the right hands.

But how about best 2 out of 3? Relay, then Marathon. If it gets to a tie, well think up something for the 3rd round.
#39
Quote by Delanoir
It is in the right hands.

But how about best 2 out of 3? Relay, then Marathon. If it gets to a tie, well think up something for the 3rd round.

Fair enough. Relay can be over a 24 hour period, whichever day pleases you, sometime before the 20th. Unless you want to set the 20th (or sometime around then) as a deadline and just keep track of how many times you've done it within that time period, to make timing more flexible. I don't want you to lose use of it over prolonged overexertion though babe, so your call
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#40
I feel soiled in a sort of arousing way after reading this thread . . .
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