#1
I'm not really that fond of this.. It was a forced piece, easily notable, and experimentally rhyming. Nonetheless, there's a story and I wrote it, so I want it judged. So tear it.

Orchid Pulsar

At the start
We grew flowers from the heart,
And then, held back by no bars
We filled the sky with stars.

Inevitable demise:
games of fleshly desire
sent my soul into reprise.
Putrid, viral angst:
an unwise, younger Me,
to you pleaded for We.

Suspended in the clouds
We scream to the earth;
Perfect angel did manifest.

Apparitions of the past
mockingly stare through the glass;
Judgment inspires thoughts,
thoughts inspire decisions,
decisions inspire travesties.

All flowers wilt,
and all stars die.


Of course, if you leave me something and a link, I'll check yours out.
#3
The only part that seems forced is the first verse. A good mix of words too, personally I try not to be overly elloquent with my lyrics... I emphasis with the vocal talent.

All and all its a good piece, I'll have to post some of mine for your critique!
"You can drink an ugly chick hot, but you can’t drink a fat chick skinny."

Fender: HSS Stratocaster

Modulus: 1991 Q5

Peavey:158BASS
Marshall: MG30FDX
Acoustic: B200
#5
Quote by Quantonyne
i found it a little hard to put any music to it in my head. it did seem a little forced but not bad, it would need revised but what piece dosn't.

mine is in my sig.
Yeah. I haven't even thought of turning it into a song really. It was written as a poem to try and get me out of some writer's block. lol

Quote by gizmodious
The only part that seems forced is the first verse. A good mix of words too, personally I try not to be overly elloquent with my lyrics... I emphasis with the vocal talent.

All and all its a good piece, I'll have to post some of mine for your critique!
Really? The first stanza is what started this for me. I said "At the start...heart" and it got stuck in my mind so I was like "To get this out, I'm gonna have to do something." lol Also, I don't try to be eloquent really.. It just flows out of me. lol I don't think I've ever used a thesaurus for something I've written other than a while ago in Journalism class.

Quote by Krazy Killian
Honestly is really nice like "beautiful" really like it. I find it hard to put a tune like the guy posted before me. But yea really like it. C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1045629



Thanks for all your kind words. :]