#1
you said you want the truth, and you can have it.
your wish is my command.
but i wish you could have loved me.
like you said.
you were always full of deceit.
but i couldn't see past your pretty petals.

Your smile leaves a fissure in my heart.
your words wound me.
i hope you choke on your lacerating lies.
I hung from every sweet word you spoke.
just to be crushed from the fall.

when you kill me my darling, kill me slowly.
I'd love to see that shimmer in your eyes.
Sing me a lullaby, while the reaper makes his way.
Cradle me in your arms, and drive the blade into the flesh.
Press your lips against mine, for the last time,
and watch me fade away.
and here i thought roses were the ones with thorns.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

c4c of course.

rather cliche i think. but it serves it accurately describes what i want to convey.

EDIT: forgot to metion, this is kinda a metalcore, hardcore type of song... think old atreyu.
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Last edited by bobby_splax at Jan 15, 2009,
#2
it's pretty cool
I like the use of the graphic imagery without overdoing it
#3
Quote by bobby_splax

you said you want the truth, and you can have it.
your wish is my command.
but i wish you could have loved me.
like you said.
you were always full of deceit.
but i couldn't see past your pretty petals.
i dont really like this stanza. its weird. it makes sense. i personally dont like it

Your smile leaves a fissure in my heart.
your words wound me.
i hope you choke on your lacerating lies.
I hung from every sweet word you spoke.
just to be crushed from the fall.
i like this stanza. the imagery is great.

when you kill me my darling, kill me slowly.
I'd love to see that shimmer in your eyes.
Sing me a lullaby, while the reaper makes his way.
Cradle me in your arms, and drive the blade into the flesh.
Press your lips against mine, for the last time,
and watch me fade away.
and here i thought roses were the ones with thorns.
i like this stanza just as much if not more. you said this song is kinda cliche but its not really that bad cliche wise

EDIT: forgot to metion, this is kinda a metalcore, hardcore type of song... think old atreyu.


i liked this alot. i think this was very good. i just dont really like the first stanza. it doesnt feel like it has as much energy as the other stanza. the first stanza doesnt breath with emotion. the one following do.

crit. song in sig please.
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