#1
wrote it in english class,

---------------------------------------------
[whispered]
(on a path......Don't know.........Death all around........Where am I............)

(intro)

I run through the shadows,
Lightning raining down,
I fell to me knees,
i've been struck down,

I stood to look,
but i didn't know,
Death was coming,
Wanting my soul,

(small guitar break)
/[chorus]
I'm on a path,
Dont know where i am,
All around theres death,
Where am I.........................

He came on horseback,
his mare' a'blaze
down from the mountain,
killing all in his way,

I was in trouble,
There was something i had to do,
so i sat on my back,
I wasn't sure to.

[chorus]

(guitar solo)

He fought with shadows,
He fought with fear,
He let out a Screech,
I covered my ears,

I was so scared,
and all of a sudden,
he said you have passed,
and faded away,

[chorus]

[whispered] But still,.. where am I.... . . . . . . .
------------------------------------------------------

its metal, kinda like black tide
Last edited by dman3011 at Jan 15, 2009,
#2
Quote by dman3011
wrote it in english class,

---------------------------------------------
[whispered]
(on a path......Don't know.........Death all around........Where am I............)
whispered words should be very strong feeling of have an emotional or some form of impact. this has none. what so ever.

(intro)

I run through the shadows,
Lightning raining down,
I fell to me knees,
i've been struck down,
kinda boring. not much life. not much aggression. just words talking about running than taken out. not that moving.

I stood to look,
but i didn't know,
Death was coming,
Wanting my soul,
cliche? this is still not very interesting. it needs to be lively. these lyrics are not turning out good and it has only just gotten to the chorus

(small guitar break)
/[chorus]
I'm on a path,
Dont know where i am,
All around theres death,
Where am I.........................
not very interesting. death is all around. which comes across that there is nothing at all. so all there is is death.

He came on horseback,
his mare' a'blaze
down from the mountain,
killing all in his way,
cliche. could use more vivid imagery for the mare as well. it just sas its on fire. period.

I was in trouble,
There was something i had to do,
so i sat on my back,
I wasn't sure to.
your in trouble and you jsut sit on your back and wait. okay. doesnt add anything to the story/ main message.

[chorus]

(guitar solo)

He fought with shadows,
He fought with fear,
He let out a Screech,
I covered my ears,
nothing to say.

I was so scared,
and all of a sudden,
he said you have passed,
and faded away,
now the person is supposedly dead. and this have proven to not bring much feeling

[chorus]

[whispered] But still,.. where am I.... . . . .
only part i can even say i liked in this song. cause it says im dead... on this planet.
------------------------------------------------------

its metal, kinda like black tide



i didnt like this at all. i thought the entire peice was bland and boring and had no substance nor anything that conveyed a message. and not even the most amazing riff or song could save these lyrics. this just bored me the entire time. lyrics in a song stand out to me more if they are brilliant or if the suck. which can change my opinion to the song.
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