#1
It´s been a while since my last contribution on here, so here is a new piece for you, titled "Leaving you". It´s a J-Rock/Pop piece. Please don´t crit this from a Metal standpoint, because it´s a piece of art and not a piece of Metal. I recommend to listen to it twice, because it is arranged with little fills everywhere, to give it a "live" feel. I´m willing to do C4C, if you leave me a link. Detailed crits will get detailed crits back. Feel free to listen to it in Midi AND RSE, because it sounds clearer on Midi.

Have a good listen
Attachments:
Leaving You.zip
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
Last edited by Madzää at Jan 17, 2009,
#3
Very nice. Reminds me of L'arc-en-Ciel. I don't like the tritone chord in the chorus or in the outro melody (or the fourths chord that follows in the outro). Very nicely done on the solo.
#4
Nice to see some variety on here - again, I haven't really listened to that much J-pop...usually the voice that puts me off, but this is really cool.

I really like the way the bass leads from the start - most people's work on here tends to ignore the bass and just play root notes. Bar 14 is great in the way it drags you into the song. Can see your jazz influences come through in the chord choices as well - nice progression. Again in the verse though the bass shines through - excellent stuff

As you know, I really like the pre-chorus and the way it ends so suddenly. Nothing bad to say so far. The chorus is also excellently written, and I am such a big fan of the chromatic mini-progression you have going on within the chords. Also the chordal slide works really well to break it up a little.

I still feel the solo's missing a little something. It's very melodic, but I just think it lacks that one really defining moment. The harmonies are brilliant at the beginning and the phrasing is fine, it just doesn't quite take your breath away. Also you really need to hold that bend for a bar or so over the chorus just to lead into it. It's not a bad solo by any means - as you know, I am just very very picky

Very nice ending as well - Good to see you bring the main intro theme back! Good work overall, and honestly, this should be a study for anyone learning how to write basslines - phenomenal work
#5
Very nice job with this :]
I'm gonna go ahead and give it an all-encompassing review.

Intro: Very nice chords. The Bass is very nice in the intro. I like how it takes a melody. The actual guitar melody itself is amazing. I really like it.

Verse I: This really reminds me of The GazettE. It's very nice. The drums seem a bit like L'arc~en~Ciel's drums, but the bass is definitely something GazettE would right.

The Pre-Chorus does a good job of breaking up the verse's. And it's very J-rock how you used the pre-chorus as a means to intro the verse again.

The chorus is nice. It took me awhile to get completely used to the chromaticism in the bass line, but once I did, I realized that it was my favorite part.

And then the amazing melody :] I really like it alot.

A verse again.

And the pre-chorus actually does what it's supposed to here. It intros the chorus very nicely. I really like the pre-chorus.

The solo is very good. It reminds me of something The GazettE would right. With Aoi writing the left speaker solo, and Uruha writing the right. I really enjoyed it, I just kinda hoped that the guitar dueling would go on for like... one more for each speaker... if that makes sense.

The melody comes back, and ends the song well. I like it, I like it.

And then the clean guitar actually ends the song. The harmonic at the end was very j-rock... really good stuff here man.

Overall, i'd give it a 9/10. Something about it bugged me, so I couldn't give it a 10, but it was a really good song.

C4C?
Manifestation in my sig.
#6
I'll be critting as i'm listening...

First of all. The file size made me go O_O
a 108kb .gp5 is quite impressive.

anywho, here goes:

Intro: I like how Spur 2 and 3 fade in with harmonics, it's a nice sneaky way to get it in.
The drums, head on and good, and the moment the bass kicked in made my day.
Damn good stuff, simple yet great

bar 9 to the verse is good, groovy and fun bassline and good a good solo, to too complex or fast as it tends to be.
the bar 24 drumfill rounds it up in a good way and throws me to the verse.

the verse was nothing special, but not bad either. nothing that really caught my mind.
the faded harmonics is a good way to spice it up.

I don't really fancy how the whole things stops up in the prechorus, it kinda takes the breath of the song I think. it loses energy.
It be could be good if the song hooked on the snare roll in bar 42 and from there go to a verse or maybe a chorus, but as it is now I don't really think it fits.

Verse 2, same as the first verse isn't really something to hook up with, as it should if vocals are planned to be added.

the chorus felt a wee lame, I think it should be the greatest part of the song, the thing everyone is waiting for.
Here it just come and goes without any kind of build-up or "tensing", you know what I mean? without the notation I'd never take that for a chorus.

The melody is good, but I think it steals the attention from the chorus.
If the chorus would've been "mightier", the melody had been a great roundup nice and slowly taken us to the next verse.

Verse again, same as others, some vocals should do it.

The prechorus fits a bit better in here, kinda letting us "breathe" before the chorus, but again, the chorus is a bit too lame.
I don't know how much vocals/backing vocals/choirs you plan to put into it but I feel it could use some major quantities of it to make it feel more like a chorus.

I like the first bars of the solo, the harmonies.
The solo is well done, not just the 250mph-sweeps you often get, this actually has some thinking behind it. great melody and phrasing, it's quite interesting.

As before, the chorus. Especially the last one should be HUGE in a song like this, or least that's my idea.

The outro melody is good and familiar, feels nice to hear it again.
I like the three repetitions right at the end of it, right before the clean part.

The last clean part rounds it up in a good manner, kinda like after a long intense run.
I'd honestly be disappointed if this was missing, it kinda leaves all the energy there, untamed but nowhere to go, if you get me.
This very last clean part takes the energy out of it, it gives me the impression that the song is tired and need to rest


Overall it's a good piece of music, I noticed I sound a bit bored and complaining, but I could really listen to this. It has its downs, like the choruses, but the ups is really compensates for it.

Care to crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=18213222#post18213222
You like it
#8
As soon as I saw your mention of Jpop I had to crit this.

My first problem with this is it doesn't sound like Ayumi Hamasaki. Putting my fanboy issues aside, I will give this some serious thought.

This reminds me a lot of Miseinen by the Gazette, by any chance were you listening to that song while writing this? Same chord progression I think, similar melodic lines, and the basslines have that whole sort of Reita sort of flow to them.

I wouldn't mind if you got rid of the synth bass.

The second bar of the chorus where you raise the 5th, to me it sounds kind of awkward, like you were deliberately trying to make the chord progression more unique.

I wouldn't mind hearing a nice drum fill before entering bar 63, and when you get there, I think you should let the drums start to flow a bit more. You know, the cliche chorus drums. From compositions in the past I've seen you try to vary a bit on the norm, but still the stop start feel of the drums just feels inappropriate.

Where the melody comes in, I just noticed the rhythm of the chord progression properly, it's quite a nice rhythm. I feel I should add that because well, I don't know... Hmm.

In 72/other parts with the same bass part, maybe you should change the B to a C#, it just gives it a nicer flow I think.

I like how you used the chord progression to accentuate the changes in the melody, or it seemed like that to me anyway.

The solo is pretty good, there are some other bands this reminds me of aswell actually. Can't think who, whole lot of Japanese bands really. Been a while since I've ventured into visual kei and whatnot.

Not much else to say, overall quite a good song.
#9
I kinda find the Gazette comments quite funny, because actually, I haven´t heard of them before somebody mentioned them in this thread. I usually write this kind of songs after the L´Arc~en~Ciel scheme, especially the bass part. Dunno about the "Miseinen", after listening I didn´t really feel a connection to my song . About the raised 5th, it´s common in some L´Arc~en~Ciel songs, the most famous one´d be "Blurry Eyes" Thanks for the Crits

Do you want me to crit anything of yours, Regression? Btw, sorry for taking such a time for finding the song in the realbook, but I´m totally sick and lying in my bed all day, so I can´t get the realbook from my Pianists house >.<
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
#10
Hey champ. Thanks for critting Water Colors for me. I'm here to return the favour I'll write as I listen, but I'll be sure to fill in any gaps.

Nice chord progression at the start - something a little less standard, which already allows the song a fighting chance. The leads to follow seem to already give a taste of what's to come. They're nothing too detailed yet, but rather supply texture to the start, and hint at future occurences. The use of flat fifths provided that exotic sound you said you were after, so that's great. And they didn't seem dissonant at all, which can sometimes be difficult to avoid, even if you only have one odd interval. I also like your modification and twisting of the rhythm guitar's chords during this lead break. We already have nice contrast

The revisitation to clean guitar is great, perhaps more so since you've altered the chords slightly. They still deliver a familar sound to the intro, but such a slight modification really distinguishes this section from the earlier one - while enabling us to familiarise with it. And the use of volume swells - beautiful. Sort of similar to what Dustie of Between The Buried And Me does in many of their songs.
I also love the use of synth - it's not overpowering, though it provides colour and form. It seems so many people add synth to their compositions to overpower and make the song seem 'epic'. But I like what you've done here. It gives a warm feeling, and allows the second half of this acoustic section to shine, and establish itself.
I'll also note that I love how the bass drum is on the off beat - and how it's fairly sparce! It's definitely welcoming to not have your ears pounded by unnecessary drumming. It's obvious that you considered this, as well as the whole section.

The staggered break here works brilliantly. It doesn't seem forced, but acts as a breather - sometimes that induces anticipation. And the fact that you didn't break out into showmanship, or adding extravagant leads immediately after the break is admirable. You allowed for the song to establish itself further - it seems everybody's trying to show off flashy leads, and they tend to appear at times like this. I really respect your care for the overall song
The distorted guitar that enters after the acoustic progression. I love the use of flat fifths here again, as in the context you used them, they give something I call pleasurable tension. For example, many people use diminished arpeggios or chords to build tension, or to transition through sections. But sometimes it's just nasty! The use of flat fifths, and chromatic ascension - which ultimately saw you visit the initial flat fifth a tone higher - truly interested me. I love outside note usage, and overall, this established the exotic sound tenfold.
You revisitation of the lead came it at a good place, also. Nothing else to say really.

And so we return to the verse section. I won't add much else here =] But when you strike the distorted chord to lead into that section, it repeats into the next time, also. Probably unintentional, and there's NOTHING wrong with it! But I'd suggest if recorded, rather than scrap, maybe swell up to that chord, only at a low volume, and then sink back out. But hey, I'm probably going too in depth for one little thing!

The use of synth during the section build up is great. You seem to have REALLY brought out the middle eastern sound there. And just as it builds... you drop it. Which I really find brilliant. It'd lose its impact FAST if you kept a similar sound prolonging into the distorted section. Nice move

The lead section! Nice harmonies. I instantly recognised the use of thirds =] But what I like is how there were slight occurences of the guitars doing their own thing (Bar 122). It was only temporary, but I really liked it. I won't suggest altering it, because it's fine Just thought I'd point out my preference.
And I have to say, you have a great taste for phrasing. It really kept the song moving. And a wide variety of techniques is always great - pedal points, tapping, melodic arpeggios, and clever use of rests - and you did it all well! Overall, good phrasing, and nothing unnecessary. Bar 125 was really great though And the ending - thus transition - into the next section had no flaws. Very nicely done. TOO many people let the last note ring for a silly few bars. I like what you did here.

Again, your theme occurs, and sets for the song to finish. But wait! It keeps on going, and it's GREAT! Nice use of double time snare too. It seems to be very popular for ending songs with. When that lead comes in though, I just hear a piano doing a counter melody underneath. I'd love for there to have been some piano work, but regardless, it worked very well. I also love that little arpeggio you snuck in right at the end :P

Nice work ending the song with something familiar - the clean guitar. There's not too much to say here. But it revisits the start and as I said, brings back the familiar sound. It's just a good way to end the song, for reasons I can't really explain. The ending chord was good, but I really did want something to follow - and it did. That last B note did it

Overall, great song.

But now I'll quickly evaluate the bass, which I neglected. Overall, I like how you gave the bass an important role - exaggerating and enhancing important notes in chords, and providing harmony for such. I also like how when the lead melody came along, you didn't dumb it down, or have the bass follow the melody perfectly. It's a trait lost in much music, unfortunately, but you really allowed the bass a role, instead of just having it there. And this is consistent for the whole piece.

So, great job! You clearly put a lot of effort into this, and this truly works as a song - a true composition. So kudos to you

I don't really listen to much music of this genre - whilst I still love exotic sounds - so I'm sorry if my crit is a bit bare in areas you wish weren't. But from everything I heard, every track I analyzed, every harmony I could handle, it worked out great, and everything was considered equally.

I'll give this 10/10 Keep up the fantastic work!

EDIT: I didn't realise I wrote so much :|
Last edited by juckfush at Jan 24, 2009,
#11
I'd get a band together and play it.
Are you sure about the name though?
You could make it muuuuch more epic singing about something philosophical.

From an instrumental standpoint it was great.

There are points where the Bass and Synth Bass play the melody a bit differently, I don't like that, it sounds like an error TBH.

edit: I think it's sounds like a Zelda track.
Preeeeety cool.
Last edited by Nilpferdkoenig at Jan 27, 2009,
#12
Quote by Madzää
I kinda find the Gazette comments quite funny, because actually, I haven´t heard of them before somebody mentioned them in this thread. I usually write this kind of songs after the L´Arc~en~Ciel scheme, especially the bass part. Dunno about the "Miseinen", after listening I didn´t really feel a connection to my song . About the raised 5th, it´s common in some L´Arc~en~Ciel songs, the most famous one´d be "Blurry Eyes" Thanks for the Crits

Do you want me to crit anything of yours, Regression? Btw, sorry for taking such a time for finding the song in the realbook, but I´m totally sick and lying in my bed all day, so I can´t get the realbook from my Pianists house >.<

Ahh, L'Arc~en~Ciel; heard a bit of their stuff but never gotten into it properly. It's just so damn to type the name. =.=

Have a few songs of theirs though, I can see the influence, and I am surprised you hadn't heard The Gazette. I will have to check both pieces again, but I am sure it was Miseinen this reminded me of, unless I've gotten songs mixed up.

And ahh, I might post something up sometime soon, I will let you know if I do.

Oh, and no problem about the book. I'm not desperate to learn the piece soon, I'd just like to give it a try sometime. Ofcourse, I assumed a tab would take a long time.
Last edited by Regression at Jan 25, 2009,