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#1
Now we all have those mornings where we just wake up and do something completely retarded and stupid.

Once I woke up during the middle of the night to go to the restroom, so I walked to the toilet, took out my dong, then started peeing. I was looking at myself in the mirror and started to think about some random thing, but after I had finished, I realized I was pissing on the floor.

Your turn.
LARGE TEXT
#2
Too many...way too many...

I believe a majority of them include morning wood.
SOMETIMES...I pick my nose...and use it as lube...
#4
My alarm clock has went off and I've just stood there staring at it wondering how the hell you turn that damn thing off.

Also, I lost my perception on how time works and though it went DOWN, like from 6:30 to 6:20, essentially ruining my wake up time.
Quote by Teh Forest King
A kid took a fetal pig during pig dissection, put a napkin on it as a cape, wrote "super pig" on it, then threw it out the window onto the greenhouse below, yelling "super pig, blast off!". He failed the pig lab
#5
Walked through a screen door
The will be heartache,
there will be rain,
and joy I can't explain.
Last edited by titsmcgee852 at Jan 16, 2009,
#6
I walked into the breakfast room without even waiting for my erection to die down.
life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal
#7
I usually unintentionally incorporate my dream into whatever I say. people look at me funny.
I think we took too many drugs when we were kids,
'cause now we like to make
Weird Music
-Wayne Coyne
#8
Well, I have walked out of the house going to school on numerous occasions with my eyes closed, hair in a really wierd shape, in only underwear, and in slippers....
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I'm not actually funny...
#9
woke up around noon and my roommate was already up. i walked to the bathroom door and you could hear through the door the smacking sound you make when you fap. i said "are you jacking off?" and there was a pause then he said "uh, no" i went back to bed. i had enough.
#10
Quote by iantheman
I usually unintentionally incorporate my dream into whatever I say. people look at me funny.



Same, I actually get really pissed at my parents for things they have done in my dreams. And they're like, lol wtf?
Quote by Jerry.thewise
This has to be the funniest thing I've seen on the pit this month



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Nothing on the interwebz wins that hard.




Quote by supralightning
+10 for TS




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that post was Full OF WIN!!1!1




I'm not actually funny...
#11
Quote by KiloJulietA
Same, I actually get really pissed at my parents for things they have done in my dreams. And they're like, lol wtf?

Same here.

Some dreams really piss me off.
LARGE TEXT
#12
I always wake up in the middle of the night thinking I have to be up at 6:30 + 45 minutes, then I got to leave 10 minutes later or some stupid stuff like that, then when I stare at the clock for a bit, I realize I don't have to wake up for anything, it's Saturday. Although this does happen at like 5:00am on school days, too, then I just realize I can sleep for another 2 hours. Which makes me extremely happy that I get 2 more hours!
#13
I'm nocturnal so have the unfortunate-ness of usually waking up to important phonecalls around midday. One minute I'm fast asleep, the next minute the phone's vibrating on the wooden table next to me which wakes me up startled as I answer an important phone call to student loans or my landlord. I speak utter crap to them then fall back asleep again. Then usually phone back later in the day saying "I think you were asleep earlier".
#14
Quote by Just Andrew
My alarm clock has went off and I've just stood there staring at it wondering how the hell you turn that damn thing off.

Also, I lost my perception on how time works and though it went DOWN, like from 6:30 to 6:20, essentially ruining my wake up time.


yea me too

i was lookin at the thing for at least 30 secs trying to figure out how to turn the mofo off
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Book of shadows 2?
O_o
#15
I once got up fapped and then went back to sleep, I've also done many things while borderline conscious, such as picking up the phone calling someone and then hanging up, telling numerous people to F*ck off, humping stuffed animals, professing my love to many a woman, asking my friends if they want to play video games, hitting my head on the beam above my bed, playing guitar none of which I remember I've just been told but after waking up probably like falling out of bed
#16
Get STRAIGHT into the pit.
Go to kitchen with morning wood-mode ON
Fall of brom bed, morning wood facing down
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#18
I wake up, miss the snooze button on my alarm clock, and fall asleep on the floor while it goes off for another three hours.

Has happened multiple times.
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


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your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#19
Quote by SonataFanica
I walked into the breakfast room without even waiting for my erection to die down.


haha

Just about every morning I get up, grab the cereal and start pouring it into a cup... instead of a bowl with out even realizing it, not sure why.
return 0;

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SOUNDCLOUD
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#20
Quote by NUMAS
Get STRAIGHT into the pit.
Go to kitchen with morning wood-mode ON
Fall of brom bed, morning wood facing down

w.h.a.t
The will be heartache,
there will be rain,
and joy I can't explain.
#21
I was running a decent fever
so i was sleeping during the day, and i woke up, and pissed in my trash can
then i walked down-stairs, layed down and watched TV
about 15 minutes later, it hit me, and i was like
"Mom, i think theres pee in my trash can"
she walks up to my room, comes back down, and is like
"God, what did you do"
(\/)
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#22
walked into a wall so hard i fell over back into bed and stayed in bed for a good hour waiting for my headache to die down.
Quote by coolstoryangus
Pffffffft schematics


Although i guess the OP will have to get used to reading them if he's going to buy a bugera..
Quote by gregs1020


along with fire escape routes...

#23
Quote by Siege of Power
I was running a decent fever
so i was sleeping during the day, and i woke up, and pissed in my trash can
then i walked down-stairs, layed down and watched TV
about 15 minutes later, it hit me, and i was like
"Mom, i think theres pee in my trash can"
she walks up to my room, comes back down, and is like
"God, what did you do"


Why the hell with you tell your mom?
Quote by Teh Forest King
A kid took a fetal pig during pig dissection, put a napkin on it as a cape, wrote "super pig" on it, then threw it out the window onto the greenhouse below, yelling "super pig, blast off!". He failed the pig lab
#24
Lol, also, I find it really funny when like, after eating yogurt, I put my spoon in the garbage, and my empty plastic yogurt container in the sink.

I've also subconsciously answered phones. Also, its pretty interesting how I'm dreaming of something, only realizing that I'm subconsciosly asleep whatever/whomever is in the dream ( like my mom telling me to wake up) is actually by my bed, talking to me.
Quote by Jerry.thewise
This has to be the funniest thing I've seen on the pit this month



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Nothing on the interwebz wins that hard.




Quote by supralightning
+10 for TS




Quote by B. Heath
that post was Full OF WIN!!1!1




I'm not actually funny...
#25
Quote by Just Andrew


Why the hell with you tell your mom?

I was like 12
(\/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") ExtremeMetalFTW donated these ears
Notice something wrong? Yea, me too
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#26
once i woke up, went into the kitchen and started taking a piss in the bin. I only realised halfway through.
#27
Also, once while I was still kinda asleep I started head banging to my alarm clock.
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM
#29
Quote by Ichikurosaki
I've woke up needing a piss, being too lazy to get up, have just let it all out, no less than 5 times.

I lol'd.
LARGE TEXT
#30
I had sex with yer maw... when I just woke up
FALKIRK

We'll win something someday

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#31
Once I tried to pee without noticing my 'morning woodie', I had to wash that shirt without my mom noticing.
No muerde, no calla
Sin sangre no hay arte
Nada ni nadie
De nada más

#32
I've been half asleep and like flipped out and picked up my phone because I thought I fell asleep on my boyfriend while we were talking on the phone late at night. I've done that about 4 times, but... those are the ones I can remember. I've probably done it about 9 times or more. xDD
My name is Avery
...

We should dance.
#33
Quote by KiloJulietA
I've also subconsciously answered phones. Also, its pretty interesting how I'm dreaming of something, only realizing that I'm subconsciosly asleep whatever/whomever is in the dream ( like my mom telling me to wake up) is actually by my bed, talking to me.

I get that a lot to, even on my alarm clock I have music to wake me up and then Protest the hero will start playing in my dream and I'll be like WTF?
#34
I've gotten completely ready for school, only to realize its only 2AM. Those are awesome mornings, as I waste considerably less time sleeping.
#35
Woke up... had to piss... went to "Bathroom... realized i pissed in a closet the next day
Myspace.

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and you call yourself the son of catholics

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#36
Quote by jeremessmore
I get that a lot to, even on my alarm clock I have music to wake me up and then Protest the hero will start playing in my dream and I'll be like WTF?



Same, PTH and the Fall Of Troy, and Rise Against....

Sometimes its Samuel Jackson...
Quote by Jerry.thewise
This has to be the funniest thing I've seen on the pit this month



Quote by HunterRiggs10
Nothing on the interwebz wins that hard.




Quote by supralightning
+10 for TS




Quote by B. Heath
that post was Full OF WIN!!1!1




I'm not actually funny...
#37
Me and some buddies of mine started a mosh pit in my room one day, and we fell on my bed and kinda broke it (it fell through the frame, and its hard to lift back out)... when i slept on it that night, i woke up in the morning, rolled over to stretch, and rolled right off the slanted bed lol. I laid there staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, got up, and fapped.

True story...

It woke me up a bit lol
#38
when i get up the first thing i do is reply to the texts at night i get.
the last one was someone asking if i got a picture of their dog, and i said something along the lines of 'no snedti agron' && it was supposed to be 'no. send it again.
i do this almost every morning.

plus, i usually get up and walk to the kitchen naked, hoping noone's going to be in the hall or living room. "/
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#39
One time I fell asleep at about 3 in the afternoon, woke up at around 6 pm, and it looked kinda like it was morning. So I checked my watch, and I was like OH S*** and started getting ready for school. To add to the fail, it was a Saturday.
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#40
you dont even want to know the insane stuff i have none in that post-waking up daze period i went an hour thinking i broke the internet and ran ito subway saying i will fence them to fix it
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lucky bastard and your knowlegde of chemical engineering...

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