#1
Alright, this is the first song I've posted on here. Worked on this off and on for about 3 years, adding something now and then, changing things and what not. Be kind.

On top of the world for centuries
Forcing country pride
Striving to stay among world powers
At the cost of lives
Falling like two towers
Tumbling to the ground
Bodies never to be found

Always wanting more
More power, more land, more people to scorn
Taking what they want
Never giving what they should
Overcome by greed
****ing those who need

Ties with allies fray
Breaking down our strength
For those who survive the first night
To what will they awake?
Ears pierced with shrieking cries
They will see
Fire in the skies

People grow tired and weary
Its time to stand tall
Start the revolution
Fight the institution
Take back all that’s been taken
Forsaken, no more

Ties with allies fray
Breaking down our strength
For those who survive the first night
To what will they awake?
Ears pierced with shrieking cries
They will see
Fire in the skies
Last edited by MetallicaIsGhey at Jan 22, 2009,
#3
Cool. Just get rid of the blatant/blunt lines like "start the revolution, fight the power".
#4
I love the ryhmeing,
Have you ever heard of Black Tide,
It sends off a preety Black Tide feeling to me
#5
i liked it alot. good piece.
Quote by Zero-Hartman
The Bible is awesome. Revelation is so badass, I mean, dragons and angels and the devil having an epic battle in the clouds? Badass.
#6
Thanks guys. Yea, Black Tide is badass. Its definitely a metal...at least in my head. I have yet to actually write the music for it, but its gonna be a pretty fast song.
#9
Very Good song, I like the political message, and the overall flow of the song. Crit mine Savior in a Tragedy and Bloodclot, (the second one is in my profile just look at the threads i posted.)
#10
Alright, I changed it up a little. Just took out the first chorus to make verses one and two back to back.
#11
It's pretty good. I agree with what someone said, take out the direct lines, it makes it sound too cliche, too whiney. I feel like the mention of the two towers could probably be used a little more powerfully without being too direct, but it's pretty good as is. Anyways, if you wouldn't mind, crit the one in my sig.