#1
Rap I wrote pretty much OTS this morning. Each line has 4 beats to it, to give a vague idea. Between verses the chorus is sung twice and I'll throw a guitar solo in there somewhere. Please let me know what you think of the lyrics, what you find awkward and anything I should change and I'll return the favor. Also, I'm unsure about the title. Thanks;

Screw sunshine, cause it only makes him whine
More than that one time when he dropped his whole damn dime
Ran back to Nick and begged for a prick
To help him cause he's sick, "I'm getting over it"
Is what he told is moms while pops threw bombs
Of verbal vicious psalms, though he just sat, calm
Held his face in his palms, held his hands out for alms
Felt more powerless than all the women of Islam

Tons of hours but no time, there's no room for his kind
Does what ever it takes, always raising up the stakes
Till one of these days he'll regret these mistakes
Enough melancholy days to match the missing birthday cake
Pause your cause, but don't forget to toss
Out the dirty old fools that you use to cover flaws
Strengthen up them jaws, sharpen up on them laws
We're goin' on a trip like in Wizard of Oz

Lost it, fought it, doesn't even matter
Cause the only thing that counts is the amount of his swagger
In the eyes of the acute, hold your breath, count to two
And move in for the kill, cause it's time to prove your skill
Finally caught up, don't forget to tune up
To the pitch of the dreams, now you're itching, try to scream
As loud as you can holding spray paint in your hand
Don't allow that man to show you his demands

Ziggy-zag swag to the left of your eardrum
Here it comes ready to erupt a bacterium
Of collared green hash when your past is on fast
Forward through your world of today, can Jimmy play?
Please oh please, Miss Tennessee, start your tease
Cause Mickey and Steve have a place they gotta be
So if you don't mind, we're running out of time
Speeding up dangerously hurry up, rewind

Chorus:
You'll never know
What you can be
You'll never see
Who you should be
#3
Quote by spike339
Liked it all 'cept for the first four lines.


You know, I was thinking the same.. They don't seem to flow as well as the rest of the song. However they're the most important to the actual story, and now that I got used to it I can't really think of a way to re-word it..