#1
This is my first attempt at writing a song, please give me some feedback.
thanx
Bo

Untitled


V1
I will never
Wipe a tear,
Even when
I cannot see,
Death will win
Eventually,
But I will decide
When you take me

Chorus
So let’s play this game
I cannot win,
The end is near
Let it begin

V2
I will submit
To your cold grip,
I will not whine
I choose the time,
That icy grip
I cannot deter,
I will last
A second longer

Chorus
Chorus(soft)
Chorus(Fade out)
#2
Hey debeau, good work man. I prefer songs with a poetic feel, especially ones that have a deeper meaning than what is taken in the first time you hear it. Only advice I can give would be mess around a little with the rhyming pattern. Look forward to seeing some more of your work.