#1
what do you see in the man in the mirror?
is it what you want, can it get much clearer?
see the cracks that line your face
must fess up to your disgrace

what do you hear from the man in the sky
does he tell you where to go when you die?
whispers crawling in your head
don't listen to them hear me instead

what you see and what you get
remember the herpes from that girl you met?
some say there's fortune, some others luck
but chances are you'll just get f***ed


It's a pretty simple tune. Just wrote inside of a few minutes. Any comments are appreciated.
#4
Wonder how many Man in the Mirror songs there are? Here's a partial of one I wrote.

There's a man in the mirror, looking back at me.
Loneliness has filled his eyes with tears and misery.
Nobody talks to him, but I know what they see.
There's a man in the mirror and he's cryin the same tears as me.
#6
Quote by PinK FLoYd152
what do you see in the man in the mirror?
is it what you want, can it get much clearer?
see the cracks that line your face
must fess up to your disgrace

Be careful with really popular phrases.. "Man in the mirror" will immediately force most to think of Michael Jackson's song and then there will be a comparison which you might not want. Also, try avoiding using overused rhymes such as your "face" and "disgrace". Other than that, I think the idea and theme are great


what do you hear from the man in the sky
does he tell you where to go when you die?
whispers crawling in your head
don't listen to them hear me instead

I really like this, I get an allusion to religion as if you're the devil telling the listener to stray to the dark side. With music this can sound really cool.

what you see and what you get
remember the herpes from that girl you met?
some say there's fortune, some others luck
but chances are you'll just get f***ed

This brings out your own style, which is cool. Again, I'm bad at this myself but avoid baby rhymes if you can, like your get and met

It's a pretty simple tune. Just wrote inside of a few minutes. Any comments are appreciated.



Overall I like it, it's a nice, dark piece. Keep working on it and let me know if it gets recorded. Also, if you'd like to C4C, I've got a song I've been wanting some advice on here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1048412
#7
Hahahaha

I loved this!

Really deep first two stanzas with some strong imagery,
and an unexpected turn in tone at the end

I must say,
this would be a fun little tune to sing at a party when people ask if you can play anything.

*Untitled*
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnVsdGltYXRlLWd1aXRhci5jb20vZm9ydW0vc2hvd3RocmVhZC5waHA/dD0xMDQ4MDIz
Blindfolds aside I'd probably still close my eyes

And try to feel a trembling fetal life inside
that shotgun barrel that's about to make me bleed

Like an ulcer in the stomach of the beast


Quote by Aurex
your sarcasam amuses me


CSUSM