#1
an enlivening feeling
returning home after
miles of driving drunk
and alone.

walked around
to my backyard
a cemetary or seminary
I couldn't recall
but there's moss on the window
dull eyes
sunken faces
a spider web on the wall.

a ghost
in this ghost town
a simple sign that reads
Welcome to Tangerine

I stop and turn around
my puppy leaning up
against the window
facing my front yard.
almost begging me please
don't go.

but a shadow slows down
and postulates,
what if the sun has never seen the moon
what if you lay alive

the living room
I can tell you haven't been home
my fingers pulse
the dust lies thick
on the piano

I can't discern the sharps
and flats.

I near the crescendo
and I leave it at that.
#3
I didn't like this.

I felt it started slow... and circular. Like a drunk who wants to tell a story but has no idea where to start... and it ended so sharp and so crisp that you broke tone mid-way through. You never established a narrator that I wanted to walk with and see what the hell you were rambling about with. And still yet, I feel like it didn't convey any of the emotion you wished it to. I feel like I'm supposed to understand something about the narrator... something about his past and current state of mind through this; and I didn't really get it clearly. A rare miss as far as I'm concerned good sir.
#5
I just flipped over here and realized I had a thread at the top and I was like "WTF".

I have zero recollection of writing this. Thanks for the comments though, guys

I'm proud of myself for the few spelling mistakes.