#1
This is what a Dutch co-manager wanted to send to the whole company.
Typically Dutch' stupidity in English, he didn't know most meanings, but maybe he only did it for lolz:




To be implemented as soon as possible


Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the global recession,
Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years
of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE
(Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who
have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme
(Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much ****
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always
prided itself on the amount of **** it gives employees. Should you feel
that you do not receive enough ****, please bring to the attention of
your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the **** you can
handle.

Sincerely,

The Management
You don't have to hold the door open for me
I can do that myself
#4
I got one from my company:

"Dear Employee

Please find attached a picture of my penis.

Sincerely,

Mr. Management Man"

I'd say that was pretty inappropriate.

ಠ_ಠ

wat

#5
Lies.
Quote by Telestar
Trust me man, it's Smoke on the Water. Deep Purple only wrote one song.
#9
sounds like a crappy forward to me.
Quote by JMack
Are you asking if midgets can draw people that are themselves smaller than the average person, or if midget drawings in general are smaller?
#14
Some investment fund management companies ahve been known to send out letters that begin "we are pleased to inform you" and go on to tell you that your investment with them has lost money that year.
#16
OP = Fixed
My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war and
ribbons of euphoria
#17
I laughed the whole way through, don't often do that on the net, congrats and thank you
O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!

The music winners listen to
#18
Not real, but still jokes.
Quote by DirtyMakik
Listen to this man, he's got Alex in his avatar, he knows his sh!t.

Quote by dubstar92
awesome avatar dude




Wow a signature
#19
yahoo! unbanned.

anyway, a company once told me "you are being let go due to ecessive tardiness"

i had been late the first 3 times to work, over half a year ago.

#21
Quote by guitar-godfrey
when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

Quote by angusfan16

Quote by Scowmoo
..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


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Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#22
Quote by 'Leviathan'
This is as real as a hookers smile.


But... But... SHE SAID SHE LOVED ME!!!
Quote by SlinkyBlue
I remember when I was really young, I had a wet dream in which i was being dragged along an urban countryside by a pickup truck.

Don't ask me I have no idea how the hell it happened.




To Me:

Quote by Son.Of.TheViper

I love you
#23
I could buy it if it was just RAPE. But after that, complete BS.
Quote by Shredder XXX
how about the way your entire country generalizes a culture by the actions of a few, citing any Americans idea of a middle eastern person.