#1
I have never been much of a song writer/poet, but more of a free-writer. I wrote this deep in thought the other night, and I'd love to take its main ideas and turn them into a song, it has a satirical and depressing feel to it, i'd love any input. It is mainly about being a teenager and trying to pick some form of career choice, but obviously not being happy with any options. I am just looking for criticism, and if you think it would make a good song.

Staring at this face, thinking amongst ourselves.
"What would we like to accomplish? What is the purpose in this great gift that has been unwillingly thrust into us, securing our existence?"

Is the point in life simply to influence lives around us? An interesting and ironic circle of events pointing fingers at the fact that the greatest gift known to life itself is in fact, the life itself, and that it is being used so redundantly? No, there must be more.


Life's purpose is obviously to achieve happiness, to gain the righteous feeling in one's self. Life's purpose is too fall asleep, in a beautiful field with the most brilliant creations of nature surrounding us until ashes drift in shallowly, slowly at first, until eventually we are buried in the fruits of our own hard labor.


Perhaps, the purpose is to reign supreme, rule over other lives. Smash all enemies and influence the lives of your peons with your iron fist raised inches above their heads, basking in your infinite power and glory.


No, infinite is not real. Perhaps the purpose of life is to beat life itself. A time line with a short fuse. To beat Father Time at his own game would surely be a great feat. Self consciously needing to look, feel, and act older and more mature, only to turn the tables and ruin the face of God with so-called "Enhancements" that we selfishly view as acceptable, or even perfect in this "Society of Lives".


"What will it be?" I ask to his face, the face i see buried in thought. "Pick your poison, I ask that you consider all options".


For those who chose not to wallow in the obviously self-less acts of humanity in this "Society of Lives", that very society does what it does best, in with the "good", and, of course, out with the "bad", rejecting these lives, the greatest gift to the universe, to live in the filth those lives who are obviously superior.


"Pick your poison", I say to the face staring at me.


It is our time to act, now is our chance, the time line is in our favor.


"Pick your poison", i say again, almost half-expecting some sort of verbal answer from the mirror I am gazing at, buried in the thoughts of myself.
#3
Yes very good, maybe a chorus should go something like

All the choices are all the same
The feeling to make those again
Are gone
Forever more

Obviously would need extending but work on it and message me or something once you've made the song, I would like to hear those fellings explained in a song
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Quote by ZaccB

(I love David Bowie, Just Quietly)
#4
im not big on choruses and repeating the same line over and over again, it is good to bring yourself back to a main idea in between verses further explaining the main theme to begin with. a typical song is stereotypically extremely simple and lacking thought in my opinion, i'd like to do more with this, add some slight rhyme and make it come out to a nice complex sounding chord progression.