#1
this man went mad, Dear Bingo.
nothing new, but something.


...and this must be
the space between spaces.
where a human's assurance
is not familiar
with the dimensions of
convenience.

yes,
a separate consciousness;
void of the primitive
fruition
composed on a man's
fingertips.

i like it.
just the way
she spat on me,
and i grew too needy when
a peculiar swagger.
down on pills with
but i was coming

watch me skip home,
dismembered,
in utter delight.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Jan 18, 2009,
#2
this is, once again, brill-yant.

im not usre if im a fan of some of the line breaks, you seemed to often force the emphasis on the single word lines.

nrfguhjke, i like it, welcome back!!!
Last edited by ginjaninja at Jan 18, 2009,
#3
I can't follow grammar of second stanza and can't make sense of how you've written it.

'and I grew too needy when a peculiar swagger'... when a peculiar swagger what?
'down on pills with but i was coming...' ???

I liked some of the assonance like 'primitive/fingertips'. Can't relate to the subject, so yeah.

Apologies if i've just missed your style but.. .yeah, lol. I liked it alright...

EDIT: I mean second last
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#4
no worries Mr. Meh, just read it bass-ackwards.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#6
Quote by ginjaninja
ewww, reversed syntax.

pointlessly overcomplicated.


And doesn't seem to add all that much when you read it the right way.


Other than that part, I liked it. Yeah.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#7
complex, yes.
but it has a point, several actually; eh, it's complicated.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#8
I assumed it had something to with being... well dismembered, lol.

I honestly can't figure out the order that it's supposed to go in , if there is one
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#9
Hm. I didn't like this as much as your other work. It's still good, I'm just used to really loving it.

I'll come back to this.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja