#1
Hey everybody! This other day I came up with a couple of weird riffs that I liked. I eventually made a song out of it. The result was pretty satisfying. I was aiming to take everything a bit further than normally. After you've written a couple of songs there is no satisfaction in writing the same kind of music over and over again. So this time I (hopefully) made a song that's nothing like my other pieces. There are some weird time signatures and beats and more dissonance than what I'm used to. So, check it out, and tell me what you think! Oh and since the last time, I changed the ending a bit. Didn't like that there was a final chord played, so I made it this way, check it out

As always, C4C!
Attachments:
Demented.zip
Last edited by Behzad93 at Feb 7, 2009,
#2
heyhey

interesting work here.

i really like the strange harmonies you use most of the time. it creates a really, kind of, impressionstic athmosphere.
the dissonances fit very well.

i think, after the first prechorus you could have put the intro-thing again. but that is just my taste. i like it, wenn stress is built up without being releived.

the chorus' und the verse's harmonies are really interesting, too, but i think it gets a bit repetitive. mybe u should have put a variation in one of the laters verses.

ah. and i don't like this doublebass-thing in the end of the 3rd chorus

to put it all in a nutshell: great work
i apologize for my bad english.
#3
Okay, first off this song kicks the most ass I've ever heard kicked in awhile.

It's a bit repetitive, but the melodies you've thought of are captivating and haunting.

The intro sets up for a weird down-tempo kind of song. You mix dissonances, minor and major all in like 3 bars. It works, really well.

The song progresses very well into the chorus. Initially I didn't like the chorus.

That's until Bar 26 happened. The tremolo picking melody was one of the weirdest, cool sounding riffs I've ever heard. Sounds directly from a Silent Hill game. This whole song does, actually.

You go back and repeat again and again, but that's not nessecarily a bad thing when you have such an odd vibe going on, you really know how to progress and captivate the listener. That tremolo picking gets me every time, that melody above all that dissonance.

In my opinion, however, you could get rid of one of the verses, because it does start to dry out a little bit.

The bars of 4/4 you use to build up to the chorus are really well done, It really makes you expect something coming up. I love the 4/4 to 3/4.

The bridge is pretty good, but something else could be done with the guitars, you've been hanging on to this progression for awhile. It's a great progression, so maybe just do something in the same progression with different rhythm on different strings in the same keys.

The climax is just... win. I love it. The harmonies between the 2 guitars are very interesting and I'd love to hear a real recording. The ending does sound a little bit to "bonk bonk bonk bonk" using that 4/4 motif you've used to build up the choruses, I would look into doing something different for the ending in bars 166 onward. Maybe just don't make it 4 bars, make it 2 so people won't hear the "bonk bonk" too much.

Overall, one of the most haunting/well-written melodies I've heard on these boards.

9/10
-Repeat less
-Great, great melodies
-Love the dissonance paired with just as much consonance
-The use of your harmonies purveyed a very cryptic message.
-Better outro


Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1050577
4/4 is just so boring. <_<
#4
This song is Very eerie. and dissonant.

intro- good but it kinda drags. don't feel bad, mine do too, its a matter of preference and how u like it not us.

chorus, very cool, the distorted guitar with the arpeggios, make it eerie still, the leads make it more interesting, good job.

verse- same as above

chorus same as above

i like how the bridge fades in and out, very cool, u get definite kudos for that, theclimax was well named, it's exactly that, cool drums. I also like how like most of the song is written in 3/4 time signature. coolness.

overall, interesting and eerie

9/10
-Repeat less
-Great, great melodies
-Love the dissonance paired with just as much consonance
-The use of your harmonies purveyed a very cryptic message.
-Better outro like JimmyPage97 said before.

crit mine in my sig?
#5
Thanks so much for the kind words! Aprreciated

Quote by JimmyPage97
In my opinion, however, you could get rid of one of the verses, because it does start to dry out a little bit.


I thought of that, of the repetition. And I actually made another version where I replaced the second verse with an Interlude, but everytime I listened to it, I missed that second verse. I think it is very needed, and it wont sound repetive with real instruments and some vocals on top of it.

Quote by JimmyPage97

The bridge is pretty good, but something else could be done with the guitars, you've been hanging on to this progression for awhile. It's a great progression, so maybe just do something in the same progression with different rhythm on different strings in the same keys.


I tried that aswell, but it just doesn't sound like I want it to sound. It is supposed to feel very mellow and little. It's simply a transition to the climax, and the climax is supposed to be the new part.

Quote by JimmyPage97

The climax is just... win. I love it. The harmonies between the 2 guitars are very interesting and I'd love to hear a real recording. The ending does sound a little bit to "bonk bonk bonk bonk" using that 4/4 motif you've used to build up the choruses, I would look into doing something different for the ending in bars 166 onward. Maybe just don't make it 4 bars, make it 2 so people won't hear the "bonk bonk" too much.


It's not bonk-bonk, it's more bam-bam. And in real life, when the two background guitars play the chords palm-muted, it sound pretty allright. But I changed the ending a bit.
Last edited by Behzad93 at Feb 7, 2009,
#6
First of all thanks for your crit , I really appreciated it though I have to say I can't really change the song the way you would as I just have one guitar in that band , but recording it I'll definitly double track some of the parts. To sour song criting as I'm listening:

Introduction: I LOVE the phrasing you use , it's by far one of the best progressive elements i'e heard for a long time on here , the dissonance also fit's the song creates a very dark mood , I personally like it

Pre-Chorus: like the break in the Drums reminds me of Opeth somehow

Chorus: like how you use the Lead guitar , though I think it's getting a bit too isharmonic and you maybe could make this part a bit more harmonic

Verse: Not muc to say about this , again nice use of lead guitar in here , personally think the transition to the chorus is a bit lame , maybe you could be a bit more creative in there

Verse 2: I definitly would not just repeat verse ! here but maybe trie do evoke some kind of tension by playing the rhytm guitar parts with some maybe even similar distorted parts , just to bring in a bit of change

Bridge: nice Opeth feel in here , too reminds me a lot of porcelaine heart , also the transition to the the climax , were they one of your influences?

Climax: like the harmony and the feel, maybe one guitar could develop into something more soloish in this part , again I don't really like the transition to the closure , I thinnk theres not enough tension too jsut stop the song sou should carry on with the last chord a bit

Closure: like the part itself but it doesn't really fit the song I think , but maybe hat'S just the bad transition , if you could find something better that would be greast I think

All in All well done .. a bit to diharmonic for me but that's a matter of opinion , like the progressive feel though the song reminds me a lot of opeth , I'd rate it 8.5/10

Greymane
#8
Wow, pretty sweet and dissonant piece O_o.

Like others have said before, the whole song throughout is incredibly captivating. Brilliant use of dissonance and harmony. Probably said before but to me it sounds very Opeth in some parts.

Introduction:
Love it, its not to short and not to long. Lovin the bassline, and the harmonies. Everything perfect in this section. Drums also pretty solid.
10/10

Pre-Chorus:
Very Opeth part to me. Not much to be said, very beautiful melody. P
10/10

Chorus:
Has a very chorus feel to it indeed. Although its just a variation of the Pre-Chorus, it sounds pretty epic. Probably due to the melody going over it, and the crash cymbals .
10/10


Verse:
Obviously this is a variation of the Pre-chorus, with alot more stuff going on, especially with the harmony. Very haunting. Lovin that little 4/4 section before going back into the chorus, very effective. Without vocals however, I'd say this section gets a bit repetitive.
9/10

Bridge:
Just a very sweet job you've done here. Its incredibly simple but effective. Fade in and Fade outs are a good method to use if you can use them properly .
10/10

Climax:
To be honest, this is probably my least favorite section of the song. The harmonies are pretty excellent. And yay, it has that little 4/4 bar bridge in it XD. But somehow it just seems kinda lacking to me. Maybe its just Guitar Pro O-o
8/10

Closure:
Again, another simple part that is so effective. Love the use of the delay between each guitar playing. And fade out is effective as always. Also the fact its only the guitars make it more effective.
10/10


Coming to an average score, thats 9.6/10. I'd have to give it 9/10 though. It would be interesting to see a return of the intro section, because thats my favorite section for me. And as I said before, verse drags on a bit.

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1062341