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#1
What's yours?

Mine would be:

"My dog ate my homework"

"I hadn't been getting the mortgage statements."

"My client is an experienced drinker"



This could fail miserably, but I'm really bored.
#2
"I have a form of Chronic Fatigue called Extreme Laziness"
Quote by Kensai
I know a good joke:

Women's rights.
Quote by Chubbychunks
I know a good joke:

Kensai's life.
#4
I forgot my homework, yeah, and yesterday's, and the day before's...

teachers see through that too easily.
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#6
Chronic diarrhea.
Daron. The Pit loves you.
daron aka kosmic is now a pit legend
Best post on the pit. Good for you.
thats pretty epic.
So you're like a slower paced Forrest Gump...
Yup...
#11
Iam pregnant.
If You See Me Posting In The Pit HIT ME.
Quote by KingJak236
My hamster used to bite me when I picked it up, then it got too old and fat to bite and died in a pool of it's own vomit.

Quote by Kensai
That's the rockstar way to go. I salute him.
#13
Quote by freedoms_stain
"I jizzed in my pants"

win
Quote by denfilade
For a moment I thought velcro shoes were ones with the whole bottom made of velcro

She could walk up your pubes with those

Quote by kannon
this post has aids
Quote by NinjaSlayHuman
and 07'ers will always be well-respected members of UG society.
#14
Quote by SoWrongItsMatt
"This could fail miserably, but I'm really bored."


clever.

For me;

I did do my homework, but not in the traditional way. It was more of a spiritual experience and tonight at 7pm if you look eastward to the sky you may see it ... but you've gotta believe it will be there.
#15
Chuck Norris.

Some kid in my history class put it on his test, the teacher laughed so hard he gave him the point.
#16
In school, I used to never do my homework. One time, I forgot to think of an excuse as to why I didn't do it and when the teacher asked, I just said the very first thing that I thought of...

"I wasn't sure how to complete it and it intimidated me."

Afterwards, I stapled some paper into a little booklet that I filled with good excuses. If I forgot or didn't do something, I could just consult my book and everything was gravy.
#17
Sorry my homeworks late, i've been having problems transferring files from new microsoft word to the old one.

Epiphone Les Paul Standard w/ SD Alnico Pro II's
Fender Aerodyne Telecaster & Stratocaster
Marshall JCM 800 4104 combo


E-Married to Funny_Page
#18
Quote by SoWrongItsMatt
"This could fail miserably, but I'm really bored."

you sir, have won the thread
have a cookie
Guitars:
Jackson JS30KE Kelly
Jackson RRX10D
Fender Telecaster American Standard
Epiphone Acoustic
Amps:
Vox DA15
Marshall G80RCD
Pedals:
Boss GT-6
Boss MT-2
#19
Or,my family was killed by a mob of gangsters,iam sorry if i couldent complete my work...
If You See Me Posting In The Pit HIT ME.
Quote by KingJak236
My hamster used to bite me when I picked it up, then it got too old and fat to bite and died in a pool of it's own vomit.

Quote by Kensai
That's the rockstar way to go. I salute him.
#20
i got held up because my card game ran a little late. but on the plus side, i did win a one way ticket to america via a ship. and while onboard i met a very hot redhead with a dick of a boyfriend. i totally won her over, and we did it in a car on a ship (thats pretty badass, i know!). well anyway, the ship sunk and that bitch thought i died and pushed me off the door we were floating on. so, im late cuz i had toswim halfway across the atlantic ocean.


(this worked once due to creativity)
Quote by nodice182
Denny Crane.

Quote by dmiwshicldply
touche vman, touche

mate. feed. kill. repeat.
#21
Quote by Trefellin
In school, I used to never do my homework. One time, I forgot to think of an excuse as to why I didn't do it and when the teacher asked, I just said the very first thing that I thought of...

"I wasn't sure how to complete it and it intimidated me."

Afterwards, I stapled some paper into a little booklet that I filled with good excuses. If I forgot or didn't do something, I could just consult my book and everything was gravy.


It shows.

that's incredible.

You should post that book <_< >_>


Ya'll like ma colours by the way? /\
#23
well you see i was on my way when suddenly i got sucked into the 9th dimension where i had to fight the evil monkey king. i was winning up until trogdor showed up and bruninated the whole country(side) but luckily there was a knife on the ground that i threw at his eye and he ran into a wall and passed out, he didn't die because he's trogdor so i was fine with him being k.o.ed. so i finally had the monkey king up against a wall when he laughed and said "my time has not yet arrived" and opened up a portal back to our dimension and kicked me through and he also threw a guitar at me, oh the guitar i lost it so i can't show it to you. but anyways i picked up the guitar as this band was walking by and they said "hey you with the guitar we need a guitar player for tonight you wanna help us out?" i said sorry but i had to get to work they laughed as if i was joking and dragged me with them, so i was at the show and i grudgingly got on stage to play with them, and i delivered this face melting solo that caused a couple people to go to the hospital for reconstructive surgery so i had to go to the bank to take out money to pay for their operations. after that all got done i was at the front door about to clock in when a dog came up to me and wizzed on me, so i had to run home and change my pants, but i'm here now.

i think one would get fired halfway through that excuse
Quote by haha
every time I see your username I press F8 out of curiosity then I have to give myself a big ol' facepalm


Quote by ouch
What the hell? F8 doesn't do anything interesting This toy is lame


Quote by TheReverend724
I can have a beer later, I need to level Charmeleon NOW!
Last edited by F8iscruel at Jan 18, 2009,
#25
Why am I late?

Oh the bell rang before I got here sorry!

Or alternatively:

Sorry I had to eat my cereal with a little spoon this morning.
BROCCOLIS
I ated them all.
#26
Quote by aaciseric
I thought I might kill the papers spirit if I wrote too hard so it may look blank.


lol i like that one
#27
"I was on the phone. To my parents"

Guaranteed to get you out of lateness
#28
Quote by vmanoman
i got held up because my card game ran a little late. but on the plus side, i did win a one way ticket to america via a ship. and while onboard i met a very hot redhead with a dick of a boyfriend. i totally won her over, and we did it in a car on a ship (thats pretty badass, i know!). well anyway, the ship sunk and that bitch thought i died and pushed me off the door we were floating on. so, im late cuz i had toswim halfway across the atlantic ocean.


(this worked once due to creativity)


ahahahahaha thats brilliant!
Quote by Aussie_skater
everyone listen to PLOP he knows the way of the forum samurai

Quote by Seth Shadows
^PLOP = Best, username, ever.


REVOCATION FTW! 9/9/9
#29
I left the condom at home...
Quote by Kensai





Quote by Lots O' FX
Why do you hate America?
#31
the voices told me not to do my homework
Quote by Deliriumbassist
marmite, vegemite, termite...

anything that ends with -mite is the work of Satan's retarded cousin Vinnie.
#32
I was cleaning the gun when it went off.

edit: oh this is for homework
Quote by GuitarGod_92
I feel like I should pay you in sexual favors for that truly fapic story.


Quote by esther_mouse
Aww thank you sweetie Made my day a little bit brighter.


^that post and others like it made mine a Lot brighter.
Last edited by FishCream at Jan 18, 2009,
#33
"My cousin lit my homework on fire."

Just bring in a charred paper. They'll believe you.
Quote by guitar-godfrey
when i grow up i wanna have blackandsilver's babies!

Quote by angusfan16

Quote by Scowmoo
..
HOLY HELL.

nice discovery, sir.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by coryklok : Today at 01:10 PM.
#34
(Why I skipped class the day before) I was observing a jewish holiday, and the teacher looked at me and pointed to her deskplate "Mrs. Rosenberg" I was like oh ****. Man I remeber that day.
#25 for top 100 UGer of 2009
UG's 2nd Funniest UGer and 3rd most likely to be a Serial Killer of 2009, 2nd of 2011
#36
I once told a teacher: Here's my homework. My cat licked it(there was a giant hole in the middle), so that's why there is a hole in the middle.

Truth is...


that that is the truth. My cat likes magic markers for some reason.
#37
My dog deleted my homework.

Quote by F8iscruel
well you see i was on my way when suddenly i got sucked into the 9th dimension where i had to fight the evil monkey king. i was winning up until trogdor showed up and bruninated the whole country(side) but luckily there was a knife on the ground that i threw at his eye and he ran into a wall and passed out, he didn't die because he's trogdor so i was fine with him being k.o.ed. so i finally had the monkey king up against a wall when he laughed and said "my time has not yet arrived" and opened up a portal back to our dimension and kicked me through and he also threw a guitar at me, oh the guitar i lost it so i can't show it to you. but anyways i picked up the guitar as this band was walking by and they said "hey you with the guitar we need a guitar player for tonight you wanna help us out?" i said sorry but i had to get to work they laughed as if i was joking and dragged me with them, so i was at the show and i grudgingly got on stage to play with them, and i delivered this face melting solo that caused a couple people to go to the hospital for reconstructive surgery so i had to go to the bank to take out money to pay for their operations. after that all got done i was at the front door about to clock in when a dog came up to me and wizzed on me, so i had to run home and change my pants, but i'm here now.

i think one would get fired halfway through that excuse

I'd fire you, because everybody knows that Trogdor cannot pass out.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Last edited by MusicalMinority at Jan 18, 2009,
#38
Brb having a heart attack.
My Last.FM



"The more you think, the better you're going to play. That should be a quote somewhere."
- Marty Friedman
#39
Teacher: "Why are you walking in late for class?"
Me: "because class started before I got here"

or alternatively "Male problems" (seems to work better if girls claim "female problems" especially if it's a male teacher)

One that always worked for people at my highschool was: "sorry I'm late but the line-up at Tim Horton's was out the door"
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